Svaha: the time between seeing lightning and hearing the thunder
At the top you’ll find my individual clients’ thoughts.
To read what participants in my group programs have to say, jump down to that section.
I had been working with coaches, with teachers, and in marketing groups, and I was always at a place of frustration because I couldn’t access what it was that I truly offered, and how I could present that to other people.
I will be eternally grateful for your great gift of taking in to the fullest extent what it is that I have to offer, living it, and then reflecting it back in terms of the potential experience of others. You have given words to a process that defies words. And you’re constantly in a position to help me continue to hone that, deeper and deeper and more and more resonantly, who I am and what I offer, which is truly invaluable.
My feeling is that whomever you work with, it will always be a two-way process. You’re always willing to learn as much as you’re willing to give. That’s the level that allows you to access the essence of what someone has to offer and then reflect it back in words, because you truly allow yourself to understand it. You have the space, compassion, and intelligence to take it in, understand it, and feel it in yourself and reflect it back. And you constantly show a sense of diligence, responsibility, performance, and project management that very, very few people that I’ve experienced through my life were capable of mastering.
I acknowledge you for your amazing loyalty and dedication to the task at hand. Not only in the particulars, but in the larger sense of helping someone come to a deeper sense of their self-understanding, and in turn how that can be expressed back to the world.
You have a dogged determination, you have a relentless spirit, in not hedging, not stopping, not shirking that obligation you make to someone — to honor it in the deepest way that I’ve ever seen that anyone can offer to another. And you have the skill and the capacity to understand what it is that someone has to offer, of who someone is, and the skill and the ability to find the precise words — an artistry of words to express that.
- Jon Hansen, The Remembering Room, Richmond, Illinois
Full disclosure: out of the work we did together as each other’s clients, Jon and I are now business partners and good friends.
As I’ve been developing my writing, it’s taken a tremendous amount of pressure off of me to know that I just need to get it to the “good enough” place and you’ll clean it up. That helps me relax and just say what it is I’m trying to say. And as a “perfectionist in recovery,” that’s huge for me! Your editing helps me not have to struggle as much.
I have a lot more confidence now, but I still love the fact that I can send it to you for a second pair of eyes, and you’ll tighten it up a little bit, clean it up a little bit. I love that.
You’ve never edited something in a way that no longer sounded like me. And there were two times when you just flat-out bailed me out. Once I was completely stuck on a final paragraph with a looming deadline, it was midnight, and I was exhausted. Thank goodness we’re in different time zones! It was such a sense of relief to have your help. I could have been there for hours, I was so completely blocked on it.
And there was another time, right before my wedding, when I wanted to get a newsletter out but I didn’t have time. So I sent you an outline and you wrote it for me. I was so happy that I didn’t have to choose between skipping a newsletter and making myself crazy.
You have a real gift for words. You’re really, really good at it.
And you’re the queen of punctuation.
I know the world won’t end from a misplaced comma, but it’s important to me that my stuff is correct. For me to keep looking at it to get it perfect would be a ridiculous use of time. But you can go through it once and find the things I’ve missed. I know you’re not marketing yourself as a proofreader, but I get that as part of the package with you. When you edit, you proof. Not everybody does — those are two totally different things. It’s a big deal and you don’t charge extra for it. (Maybe you should!) What a wonderful bonus!
- Sherry Essig, Priority Ventures Group, Raleigh, North Carolina
In hindsight what surprised me the most was how I had really gotten into a negative cycle of thinking, which is not my norm. And I recognized it to the point where I knew I needed help to get out. Not in a depressed way or anything, but I was seeing all the negative in the world, and I sensed a lot of fear in places. I had that strong sense that I needed change, and I needed guidance to some possible roads to that change. And it’s my heartfelt belief that there’s always something new to discover and it helps to have a professional pull it out.
You proved yourself true to what I read on your website. One of the testimonials on your site talks about your ability to synthesize people’s feelings and put them into very succinct statements about how those feelings relate to what’s going on. I know a million times I would tell you how good you are, because I would be rambling, and sometimes I don’t think I even knew how I was feeling, and you would just really hone it down. You sensed where I was at, and you were very open to just going with the flow and assessing what the next direction was. So it was very powerful for me.
What I love about you the most is your frankness — it’s the kind of frankness that’s very constructive. Your honesty supersedes everything. That honesty is so huge, because it allows you to be flexible. You have a great balance, a reality-based way of approaching things. Practical and reality based — you’re down-to-earth. You’re a partner in change.
I wouldn’t’ve worked with you as long as I did if I didn’t feel a connection. I always think it’s so fascinating that you can build rapport and trust over the phone. What is it that you do that makes it so easy?
Even if someone doesn’t know where it is they want to go, with you they’ll make progress. They’ll move to a point — I think it’s really cool to move to a point you’re not even aware of. It was hard for me to imagine when we first started work that I would be feeling the way I feel now. I just don’t have the fear — I have the ability to just take it one day at a time.
- Cindi Oakey, Business Development Consultant, Atlanta, GA
When people would ask me, “are you happy,” I couldn’t answer that question. I knew I was supposed to say I was happy, but it didn’t feel that way. I wanted to get to the place where I genuinely felt happy.
Now when people ask me how I’m doing, I realize that I am indeed happy. I know stuff has happened, I’ve moved, I’ve evolved, but I don’t know how to describe all of that other than to say, I feel happy.
I love talking to you! Every conversation, I’m never quite sure how it’s going to go, and there’s a little fear, because, you know, I’m exploring stuff, and that can be scary. But I always know that you’re going to make it okay, that whatever it is, you can work with it, and therefore I know I can work with it. Most of the time, it’s not what I would have expected, but there’s always something of value. And that’s a little bit where the fear comes in, because here I am trying to control the situation, and I know you’re not going to let me do that. That’s also the beauty in it, in being willing to just sort of open up and let go to that.
We talked a lot about turning into things, and that’s got multiple components. Acknowledge where you’re at, don’t deny where you’re at, there’s nothing wrong with being there, it is as it is. And then rather than trying to push it away, turn into it and explore it and work with it, because it has something for you. Acknowledging where you’re at makes life much lighter just because you’re not fighting it so much.
I’ve never worked with anybody in the way that I’ve worked with you in terms of trusting in your abilities to the level that I have. Most of my work has been in isolation, and even when I worked with people I was trying to control the situation, because I didn’t necessarily know what they could do. But with you I have a level of trust I didn’t have working with other people. That’s been a lesson for me as well — to realize I can go to that place, and it can be extremely fruitful, and why not do that in a lot of my life, rather than trying to set up the boundaries? Sometimes there will be hurt with that, but that feels okay, it seems worth it. That’s another gift that you’ve given me — this idea of putting your trust in somebody else, in who they are and what they have to bring to the table, and you know, it’s worked out beautifully.
Don’t hesitate, just do it, jump in, experience it, try it. You made it so easy for me to say no, or to say yes. I don’t feel any judgment coming from you. So for anyone that wants to explore, that really wants to do some work, just jump in, because you’ll make it okay for it to be whatever it is.
— Catherine Hajnal PhD, Eight Branches Consulting, Vancouver, Canada ... facilitating and nurturing joyful living
Even in our early sessions, there was such value that it wasn’t a question in my mind about, did I make the right decision. You effectively delved into my world. You knew the names, and I didn’t have to keep going over the same stuff. We maximized our time in each session.
I looked forward to the sessions because I knew I could just speak what’s on my mind, and I knew that we would dig in deeper and I would get a fresh perspective from you. I could open up to you, I knew you would listen to me, and ultimately I knew that I would listen to you. I knew that you would have an impact on me. I respected your viewpoint, your take on situations, your evaluation, because it was accurate, it was honest, and it was good feedback. What we talked about was very practical, so that I could then go apply it.
You would press me, you would ask, “What do you want? Are you willing to be curious? Are you willing to not know?” There were times where you would encourage me to not react, but just feel, or reframe the situation. All of those things helped me from an awareness standpoint that I don’t think I would have gotten any other way other than having those discussions with you.
Early on you reinforced about meditation, about down time, about its being okay to feel. And how that would apply not only on the personal side, but also on the work side — that was powerful and valuable.
Another value you provide are the follow-up emails after each call, with the key points, the elements that we discussed in the call, and the key things that I needed to be accountable to.
Your suggestions on reading were timely — whatever the topic was, go look at this, go read this, go look at this article, all of that was very reinforcing. The books you suggested are reference books for me — books that I go back to again and again.
In the year plus that we worked together, there were a lot of changes that I was going through. Having the coaching helped me stay grounded through that transition and change. The only way anyone is going to change behavior is by identifying the problem, reviewing it with a coach, getting the feedback, working at it, looking at it again — it’s an ongoing process. It’s not a one-time thing. How else are you going to get this information? How else are you going to develop?
Paying for a coach is an investment in yourself and your development. You have to find the right one that resonates with you, understands you, and cares about you. My original reasons for working with you were related to corporate politics and improving communication. What I found was much more in-depth discussions on those topics and much more. It was all connected — keeping promises to yourself and others, thinking about what’s true for yourself and others, understanding when you’re telling yourself “stories” and what’s actually true.
Having that objective person who will help you look at your life and situation in objective terms is worth the price of admission!
— Lauren Pickwoad, Vice President at a national printing company based in Dallas, TX
People don’t realize that you don’t tell me what to do, you just help me think through what I was already thinking. I don’t think people realize that’s what it’s all about. They don’t know whether your opinion is something that they want to be influenced by, but that’s not what you’re doing.
You’ve always helped me figure out what it is that I’m thinking. You help me find a different perspective that validates and makes me think differently about the decisions I’m trying to make.
You told me once that a lot of people tend to make their decisions based on what other people are thinking. That was really a huge part of what was causing me to not be sure about what I wanted to do, but I didn’t realize that was why. I never would have said, “Oh I’m so worried about what so-and-so thinks.” I didn’t think I was, but I was!
Every time I’ve talked to you, I’ve been pleased with the way you make me think about things and also just the knowledge you have about everything — seriously!
— Lisa O’Reilly, Senior Vice President, Professional Services North America, Thunderhead
Working over the phone — that was different, I had to get over that, but it worked very well. You were able to ask questions and diagnose things remotely, which surprised me.
We supplemented it with email, so I was able to tell you what I wanted to cover. I wanted to get the most value out of it. So I would think what I wanted to talk about, and usually events at work would partly dictate that, sometimes events at home, wanting to keep my life in balance.
Job security. I’ve been able to recognize the red flags before stepping on a land mine.
Trying to keep balance in my life, so I’m not over-committed in work or one area of my life. So the thing is, balance, and the lesson that goes with balance is that saying yes to something means saying no to something else. Those go hand-in-hand. That’s kind of the second lesson you taught me.
I’m continuing to put a priority on family. Part of it is trying to have better communication with my wife. She felt that coaching was valuable, and it helped to have you say some things that I might not have heard as much if she said them. She feels I have selective hearing — she shakes her head sometimes about that.
Consider your goals in life. Consider your position at your current job, or whatever your occupation is. If you’re not where you want to be, then you should consider it. If you have goals or you want to move up in management or just have a greater probability of keeping your job and recognizing the danger signals in the organization, then there’s benefit in working with Grace.
My life’s never going to be perfect, but I’ve got coping skills. That’s where this work got me, and why I felt I could finally fly on my own.
— Bruce Murray, Software Marketing Specialist, San Diego, CA
Today I enjoyed the first of three seminars at UCSD Extension. I don’t think I could put into words how meaningful it was to me. The Instructor (Grace Judson) and I sat for nearly an hour after the 4 hour seminar, sharing our thoughts.
Only minutes ago I’ve finished re-visiting her workbook, writing down as much as I can while it’s fresh in my mind. She’s absolutely amazing and has provided priceless insight into how my behaviors affect the perception others have of me. While this may be simple to others, it has always eluded me.
Now, especially being unemployed in this economy, this information and coaching could not have come at a better time.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
— Angela Osborn, San Diego, CA
Being a coach myself, whenever I work with a new coach or mentor, I’m always a little leery about whether or not that person is going to impose her or his perspective on me, and you really havn’t done that. There are times when you can be insistent about taking a certain approach because you think that’s what I need. In some cases I agree; other times I don’t necessarily agree, but I’ve never felt that I couldn’t say, “No, I don’t want to go there,” or “No, I’d rather not pursue that approach.”
When dealing with someone with a strong personality like mine, it’s important for you to supply that extra push to pursue different options and break old patterns! I think all of us have a certain tendency to think we know best (simply on principle), and we really need somebody who can stand toe to toe with us instead of meekly backing off when a disagreement occurs.
A couple of bad experiences while working as an executive in the corporate world had sapped my confidence about how I was approaching people and how I was approaching my business. You helped me take a serious look at who I am when I’m feeling credible and confident.
Our work together in clarifying my long-held image of myself and then making adjustments toward an identity that is more in line with where I want to go and what I want to achieve has been invaluable. My new internal image has really helped me focus. Ultimately, keeping that self-image in mind has helped me turn the corner toward getting back into a more productive, professional feeling about myself.
I’ve always felt like a strong person, but I’ve also known there’s been an underlying insecurity lurking in the background about certain things. I think that the mental imagery and voice dialogs that you and I worked on have helped me begin to integrate these seemingly opposing perspectives into a more confident whole — it’s become a team effort again inside my head instead of a war.
Now, my internal image is more than just a surface shell, it has became reintegrated into my personality, my system, my viewpoint. In other words, I’m much clearer about my priotities and who I want to be at this point in my life and career!
I really appreciate your post-session follow-up emails, because they clarify what you see happening in our discussions and the action items we’ve identified. Your generosity in sending me helpful references and looking things up for me when I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) isolate the time to do so for myself has also been important.
For someone who’s frustrated or who is hesitant about starting to look into a new focus area, just having that — a starting point, something to prime the pump — is a really big plus.
To sum it all up, thanks to you, many of the clouds that were obscuring my path toward a more successful future have been blown away and that has made all the difference!
If you’re looking for someone who can bring clarity to your dialogue, someone who won’t let you hide from uncomfortable truths, someone who is understanding but also firm in exploring things that you may not necessarily want to look at, but need to — then Grace is the right person to consult.
— Yvonne Ryan, Founder & President, Leader’s Edge, CA
I’d never done anything online, or by the phone. And I thought, hmm, how real can it be? People portray themselves as anything online. And I’m a pretty sophisticated psychological person, and I thought — nobody can help me.
Well, I played out my no one can help me thing. And you both just stuck it out, and called me on it, and named it, and I recognized it. Now I’m able to have perspective, to observe myself. That helps keep me from being overwhelmed and overtaken by my distress. So I’m less likely to discharge feelings at my staff or my friends.
It works. I’m surprised that it worked. And I can’t really explain how it worked. But I notice a change in myself. A change for the better. My staff and friends — I think they’d say, Jill’s happier. Yeah. I’ve never felt this good in my whole life!
- Jill Wallace, Topsham, Maine
Elm Street Assisted Living
Everything that I do, noticing myself in the world, trying to be effective as a businessperson, trying to be effective in relationships — this program showed me that there’s a way to address it that allows me to handle all of it, to encounter all of it and not freak out. The program reached a part of me that has for some time been ready to work directly with myself.
If you believe that your life is valuable, the Finding Another Way program will teach you how to explore the meanings and the aspects of its value so that you will get to know it better. And your life will be more useful to you — your value will be there for you in a way that you haven’t experienced yet. You owe it to yourself to make that investment.
The two people who offer it are such a brilliant counterpoint to each other — they come from such different stories. These people are really not talking about the product being something that you can package, sell, produce, charge for. They’re talking about your value, you as an individual, and they’ve got the bones and the heart to do it.
- Brenda Kelleher, Brunswick, Maine
My daughters were initially wary. They feared the program could be a senior scam, or a magnet for unhappy housewives. And my initial read was that it was too good to be true.
It has become, instead, a blessed forum for unfailing encouragement and support. It is helping me learn to honor those aspects of myself that I always suspected/wanted/hoped were of value. It also makes it possible to face and name and quell my “demons” — the worst-case what if’s?, if only’s, and should have’s.
My family is pleased, relieved, and so supportive of the positive effect the program has had on my sense of perspective.
There’s some kind of balancing factor that happens with this program, that keeps pulling me back to try to keep the whole picture in focus, instead of just the compelling issue of the moment. I have a feeling of community, an awareness of fellow searchers who are trying to find a way to be who they are.
I only had the vague sense that there had to be another way to go through life, but I didn’t have any mentors. I caught glimpses of people who seemed to be peaceful and fulfilled, but I never experienced the intimacy of that. That’s the biggest gift of all. There’s another way to be busy and productive and creative and still feel enriched in your own core. I’m just filled with promise of another way to be in this world, whether it be alone or with friends, and not be in a role that was written for me — that I allowed to be written — not trapped into what is expected. And I realize that I can actually do what feels right to me instead of what I think I’m supposed to do.
There’s a an expanded sense of breathing space in my life. It’s as if doors and windows are opening that I didn’t know were closed — that I didn’t know were there.
- Sharon Robohm, Bath, Maine
It was good to realize that there are other people around me in the world that I deal with that are just like these women in the group, but these other people around me aren’t revealing that they’re encountering these anxieties and fears and issues and whatever, because I’m not that close to them. But in reality — it is impacting them.
You did a good job of taking me back, saying stop thinking about stuff. I think that was of huge value. I don’t need to think through this, I just need to feel it. And just sit with the feeling and accept the feeling, and accept the emotion. And I would not have done that prior to this program.
Last week, when my son was so sick — I just needed to be there for him. And I knew that once I clicked over and was with him, I needed to shut off work. So I notified the appropriate parties and I shut it off, and I didn’t think any more about it. In the past, I would have tried to straddle both worlds. I think that helped a lot.
It was good to realize that the people around me are dealing with anxieties and fears and whatever, but they’re not revealing their issues because I’m not that close to them. But in reality — it’s impacting them. Now if somebody does something at work that disappoints me, there’s an awareness of, hey, cut them some slack, there might be a reason why that happened. Don’t take it personally, these things happen, go with the flow on it, the emotional part of it isn’t worth it and it’s not needed. Show empathy rather than frustration. So I’m calmer. More willing to just hear all sides, rather than just say no, this is the way it is. And my team — we’ve come together closer as a team. We’re more willing to open up from a communications standpoint.
You and Jon are masterful at hearing what someone is saying and truly understanding them. Your ability to actively listen and tune in to not only the words but the emotion, what that person is really saying, makes the person truly feel valued. Jon and Grace get what I was saying, they get where my place is, where I am right now. You guys are true pros at it, you really do a great job. Regardless of what else was going on in the call, whoever was speaking, you knew that Grace and Jon understood where that person was.
- Lauren Pickwoad, Vice President at a national printing company based in Dallas, Texas
I acknowledge you both for the simple, clear, and profound doorways that you present. The level of integrity, compassion, and safety that was created was palpable. I really appreciate the way you don’t make it about “you” and thus this helps me not make it about “me.”
- Na’ama, St. Helena, California