I will be eternally grateful for your great gift of taking in to the fullest extent what it is that I
have to offer, living it, and then reflecting it back in terms of the potential experience of others.
You have given words to a process that defies words. And you’re constantly in a position to help
me continue to hone that, deeper and deeper and more and more resonantly, who I am and what I offer,
which is truly invaluable. — Jon Hansen, 
What you’ve sent me is so darn perfect it hurts! It’s a sheer pleasure to work with someone
who writes as beautifully as you do — and in “my” voice. — Ariane Goodwin, Ed.D,
You have a real gift for words. You’re really, really good at it. — Sherry Essig,
Fear: the other “f” word
I was at a panel discussion on change this morning. It was sponsored by a local San Diego executive women’s group (Athena), and featured WD40 CEO Gary Ridge as the moderator.
I’ve heard great things about Ridge’s speaking talents, excellent common sense (so rare in today’s CEOs!), and sense of humor, so I was glad to be able to go. (Even if it was at 7:30 in the morning in a location 45 minutes from my office!) And I’m glad to say that he exceeded my expectations.
I also had a conversation this morning with Jen Loudon, a.k.a. the Comfort Queen. (It was a busy morning.)
The common thread between these two events is that both touched on questions of fear.
I seem to keep turning up taboo subjects. Fear is another one. The panel discussion on change hopped all around issues of fear, although the word itself was only used a few times. Jen and I talked about ways that people seem uneasy with even the idea of comforting fear (one of her specialties).
But as I teach in my workshops and to my clients, when people are afraid, they do weird, unhealthy, and dysfunctional things.
And as the panelists this morning discussed, when you’re responding to or trying to manage change within an organization, it’s crucial to put yourself in the employees’ shoes (or as Ridge said, “trade eyes” with them: see what they’re seeing, and communicate in ways that show them what you’re seeing).
They didn’t put it this bluntly, but I will: what are people afraid of when change is happening?
What are you afraid of in this time of incredibly rapid, and apparently mostly negative, change?
Fear is your own personal risk manager. All it’s trying to do is alert you to something dangerous. And like the two-year-old in the supermarket whose mother isn’t listening, it’s going to get louder and louder and louder until you have to listen. Or until it’s so loud that it drowns out any other thought in your mind.
Fear is causing a lot of people to do very strange things right now. I’ll be writing about that in more detail in next week’s newsletter, and I’ll be posting more here in the next few days about ways to understand and respond to your own fear and that of others.
But for now … what is your fear trying to say to you? And what actions and reactions are you experiencing that are based on your fear, or on your attempts to avoid listening to your fear?
Posted: February 11th, 2009 under Awareness.
Comments
Comment from
Grace
Time February 12, 2009 at 3:00 pm
Jessica – How interesting to think about “favourite” answers to what your fear is saying!
And I love that you’ve taken this question about fear and turned it into an inspiration.
So often we all try to avoid fear, and yet when we listen we learn so much, and can become inspired to new purpose and meaning.
Yeah! Thanks for your comment!
Comment from
Stephanie
Time February 12, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Hi Grace,
I liked your post very much, I was actually talking about fear with my mother today, so very timely, but I do have to take issue with . Change isn’t good or bad, it just is. Sometimes it’s something that we wanted to have happen, so we are happy, sometimes it’s something that we didn’t want so we are upset, but the same thing could happen to two different people and they could have opposite reactions, it is the judgements that we put on things that makes them negative or positive.
For example, I was laid-off from a full-time job that I had taken, many people were upset and worried for me, but I was happy. The job wasn’t the right thing for me, so I was happy to be back out on my own. I am happy and excited about the opportunities that await me, and that I get to take all the things I have learned thus far and apply them to my new situation.
It’s all in how you look at things and being open to what comes up. 
Comment from
Grace
Time February 12, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Stephanie – Something seems to have gotten slightly munched in your comment, so I’m not quite sure what it is that you’re taking issue with.
Especially since I completely agree with you: change just is. (And it’s inevitable, too, for that matter.) As you say, our judgment of change as good or bad is wholly the result of our thoughts and beliefs about it. To take it a little further, when we question those thoughts or beliefs, then we can start unravelling the judgment, and often then the so-called “bad” feelings about it (fear, anger, etc.) release, or at least become much less painful.
And I love your example!
Comment from
Stephanie
Time February 13, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Hi Grace, you’re right, there’s a part of a sentence missing there, I’m not sure what happened. 
Anyway, I just was taking issue with the question in your original blog , at least the negative change part of the question rather than the fear part.
Comment from
Stephanie
Time February 13, 2009 at 4:10 pm
hmmm, it mangled it again…oh, well, I think you get the idea.
Comment from
Grace
Time February 13, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Oh! you mean the part that says “apparently mostly negative”? Gotcha.
Yes, I agree with you. That’s why I said “apparently” mostly negative.
Comment from Jessica
Time February 11, 2009 at 5:39 pm
This is a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately and one of my favorite answers so far is that it’s time to make it a priority to pay off my mortgage. I’ve realized, once and for all, that having a mortgage doesn’t feel good to me. Sure, that’s not something that applies in a corporate setting
, but as I’ve played with the idea over the last few days, I’ve been really surprised at how inspiring it is for me (which is helping me bring renewed purpose to my work). So, it’s a personal answer that’s had larger application in my life–and, it’s a heck of a lot more fun to think about than helpless worry.