I will be eternally grateful for your great gift of taking in to the fullest extent what it is that I
have to offer, living it, and then reflecting it back in terms of the potential experience of others.
You have given words to a process that defies words. And you’re constantly in a position to help
me continue to hone that, deeper and deeper and more and more resonantly, who I am and what I offer,
which is truly invaluable. — Jon Hansen, 
Working together was absolutely key, and I think that’s what made it such a great
experience. I felt like you were my partner in this. I felt like my success was your
success. To me, someone who has that attitude and the skills to go with it —
that’s an unbeatable combination! — Daniel Stone, 
I have a website I’m proud of — but for me, the hugest benefit has been
increased self-confidence. Because of the process we went through, and the validity that
came with the process, I trust what I think and I trust myself to speak about it. I have
greater confidence and clarity in my message about who I am and what I do. — Bev
Dwane AICI CIP, 
What you’ve sent me is so darn perfect it hurts! It’s a sheer pleasure to work with someone
who writes as beautifully as you do — and in “my” voice. — Ariane Goodwin, Ed.D,
You have a real gift for words. You’re really, really good at it. — Sherry Essig,
What does “I’m tired” really mean?
That seems like a weird question, maybe, but it’s one I’ve been living with this week.
Five weeks into RenFaire (and I promise this isn’t going to be another post about Faire!), and I’ve succumbed to what one Faire friend calls Faire Fatigue. Compressing seven days into four and a half for weeks on end takes its toll, no matter how much I cut back on what “needs” to be done, and no matter how much I love Faire.
As my ability to be aware of my feelings and thoughts has grown, so too has a physical awareness and … something else. Because now when I look at the statement “I feel tired,” I find that while it’s true on some levels, it’s not at all true on others.
My body isn’t tired at all. It’s ready to go out and work in the garden, take a walk, wash windows.
My mind isn’t really tired either. I’ve been putting in a lot of very high-focus time on finishing the home-study package for my networking program, How to Kiss Frogs and Find Royalty: the fine art of fun, productive networking. My mind is very happy ensuring that I’ve got the content right, editing the audio, and playing with the layout and format.
(Yes, I’m very bad, because I haven’t written its sales page yet. But you can read about the teleclass from which the home-study program was created, and by all means contact me if you’d like me to let you know when the home-study package is released. I’m excited; it’s a really powerful program!)
So what IS tired? Because boy, do I feel the exhaustion!
My good friend and business partner Jon Hansen says it’s the cumulative effect of all those years of living on adrenaline, driving myself to do more, being hyper-responsible, always seeking to prove myself, to do what I thought others wanted from me, what I thought I had to do in order to survive and succeed.
As I let go of that adrenaline-driven existence and relax into living from awareness and inspiration instead, that accumulated exhaustion becomes inescapable. Something way down deep inside wants and needs to relax, rest, recuperate.
So. What does this mean? I don’t know! But I’m asking myself, more and more deeply, what is it in any moment that really wants to be done (not needs to be done, but wants to be done). I’m questioning my habitual urge to drive forwards regardless of the cost, and instead I’m asking for help when I need it.
There’s a lot for me to learn in all of this – noticing how hard it was for me to even type the words “asking for help” was a pretty big clue that I’m still a tad ambivalent about that!
But the awareness of these levels of exhaustion has brought me face to face with the truth that I don’t want to live on adrenaline any more. It’s not fun. It’s certainly not healthy. And in the end, it doesn’t create an experience of life or of work that I want, or that is best for my clients.
Posted under The internal message.
Tags: Creativity, Productivity
Comments
Comment from
Grace
Time May 11, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Wormy – Yes, that’s it exactly! That constant alertness – and then, finally and at last, an understanding that you don’t need to stay alert. That life unfolds as it does and that even the idea that one could choose whether or not to “trust” it is completely irrelevant and nonsensical.
Yes, you’ll find your way. You already are!
Comment from Wormy
Time May 11, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Ah Grace! Thank you for this post – you’ve put it into words perfectly. The feeling of layers of exhaustion that need to relax, of parts of you that are constantly alert but can no longer hold on and so feel exhausted – I am very familiar with this, and growing out of it.
It’s taken me six weeks of doing absolutely nothing to begin to recover, but mostly it’s taken a lot of digging about and healing those bits that are exhausted. I too have found that I no longer want to live on adrenaline, drama and the exhaustion that goes with as part of the package and I’m hoping that I can find the middle way when my life starts up again.