I will be eternally grateful for your great gift of taking in to the fullest extent what it is that I
have to offer, living it, and then reflecting it back in terms of the potential experience of others.
You have given words to a process that defies words. And you’re constantly in a position to help
me continue to hone that, deeper and deeper and more and more resonantly, who I am and what I offer,
which is truly invaluable. — Jon Hansen, 
Working together was absolutely key, and I think that’s what made it such a great
experience. I felt like you were my partner in this. I felt like my success was your
success. To me, someone who has that attitude and the skills to go with it —
that’s an unbeatable combination! — Daniel Stone, 
I have a website I’m proud of — but for me, the hugest benefit has been
increased self-confidence. Because of the process we went through, and the validity that
came with the process, I trust what I think and I trust myself to speak about it. I have
greater confidence and clarity in my message about who I am and what I do. — Bev
Dwane AICI CIP, 
What you’ve sent me is so darn perfect it hurts! It’s a sheer pleasure to work with someone
who writes as beautifully as you do — and in “my” voice. — Ariane Goodwin, Ed.D,
You have a real gift for words. You’re really, really good at it. — Sherry Essig,
Living a label
Many years ago when I was still living and working on the east coast, the company I worked for at the time went through a team-building process that included having everyone take the Myers-Briggs personality assessment.
I wasn’t particularly impressed by the results, which didn’t feel like me at all. (Not only that, but I didn’t particularly like or even respect the other people in the office with the same results!) Nonetheless, I was assured by the experts conducting the process that it was correct.
Fast forward a few decades. My friend, coach, and business partner Jon Hansen has been telling me for a while now that he didn’t agree with those results either – and he has some experience using the tool. So the other night, just out of curiosity, I found a quickie online version of the assessment and answered its questions.
The results were not only very different, they were astonishing. This is me, right down to several little idiosyncracies that I thought were just that – personal-to-me idiosyncracies, quirks, or perhaps hangups that I “needed to work on.”
Now, I’ve done a lot of personal work. And I know that labels aren’t important, are often inaccurate, and can be ways of avoiding real feelings and ducking out of responsibility for one’s actions. So the depth and power of my sense of relief came as a total shock to me.
This new understanding – this new label – has released me from the jaws of a trap I knew was there, but didn’t know how to understand. I know that there’s never anything to “fix.” Neither I nor any of my clients nor anyone in this world is broken; wholeness is inherent in what we are. Nonetheless, simply by replacing an inaccurate, ill-fitting label with one that’s so incredibly right, I feel a profound sense of validation and understanding that I’d never imagined was missing.
And I see how the jaws of the trap have sprung open not just here and now, but all the way down the line. All those times when I didn’t understand the discrepancies between how I felt and the reactions of others – all of that is suddenly and simply released, now, in the past, and for the future.
Pretty powerful, for just replacing a label. But it leads to me to thinking about all the ways that we label, pigeonhole, and categorize ourselves. And how we do that other people, too, of course, which tends to create self-fulfilling feedback loops – but that’s a topic for another time.
What labels have you been living? Are they a fit, or do they pinch like a too-small pair of shoes – or slop around like when you were a kid playing dress-up in your mother’s shoes?
Posted under The internal message.
Tags: Fear & struggle
Comments
Comment from
Grace
Time August 11, 2009 at 9:18 am
Adam – Growth! Definitely growth.
However, I do also think that there can be big mistakes made in the evaluation process. When I took the assessment way-back-when, the results didn’t feel right at all. I complained about it, but was told that the system was always right. (!!)
And when I talk with people who are experienced in using Myers-Briggs (in particular my friend Jon), they’ve told me that yes, there can be mistakes made, and that when something doesn’t fit right, then an evaluation and re-assessment would be in order.
So the facilitators have a bit of a responsibility in being responsive, not dismissive, when someone says the results don’t feel right.
In any event – it’s all good, because I’m really enjoying the new understandings that are opening up for me!
Comment from
Alistair
Time August 12, 2009 at 1:25 am
A long time ago now I did Myers-Briggs, and tested as an ISTJ. Typical (at least so I was told at the time) for my job in IT. It sorta felt right. But later, I did the test again, more thoroughly, with a much more experienced person who had a lot of real life experience as well as being an experienced psychologist. And that came up with INTP as the final moderated result, though ISTJ was the first result. It came down to me answering differently based on my preference vs my chosen preference when doing my job. And that time, the INTP descriptions fitted me much better, whereas ISTJ just wasn’t on the money at all. That was done as a very useful group exercise to show how the group on a training course could all be so different. So, the point being made wasn’t to fit people into the box defined by the label, but to show how it was a good approximate sketch of each person, but how different from each other we all were. But the quality of facilitation was what made it work. Later still, a similar test showed that I was 60-40 on a couple of those axes – so I can and do switch to ISTJ-ness for my job role, or when other circumstances demand it. But INTP seems to be the 60% end of it… Handy to know. But also handy to think of it as just a rather good artists impression. It is still a sketch, not the person themselves. And boy is it irritating when people map you by your profile as though you and every other of that type were the same person. As a discovery tool, an educational tool, it and others like it can be really great. Or terribly misused.
Comment from
Grace
Time August 12, 2009 at 9:38 am
Alistair – Great point about the differences that can happen when questions are answered from a “chosen perspective” – as in when you’re at work, or as my friend Jon pointed out to me, when someone answers out of a place of peer or family pressure.
I also like your points about its being a sketch, but only a sketch or impression. In fact, my next newsletter article makes that point as well – I was so intrigued by this topic of labeling that it ended up growing into an article.
Thanks, Alistair!
Comment from
Alistair
Time August 20, 2009 at 4:10 am
Have just read your related email post. The idea of labelling is fascinating. We do it to ourselves and others all the time. I’m not sure who we abuse more with it, others whom we don’t see (or let be) as being anything outside the box we put them in (mostly fairly unconsciously I think), or ourselves. Often it seems a synergistic thing – we invite the labelling that others give us once we’ve done it to ourselves that first time, and it re-inforces from there. Being aware of it comes as a shock.
So thanks for your article. A really timely reminder of some of the things we do to ourselves and others.
Comment from
judith judson
Time August 21, 2009 at 7:40 am
I find Meyers-Briggs extremely “fussy.” A split hair’s difference and heaven and earth are set apart, as the feller says. But then it is an attempt to improve and refine Jung’s categories of rational and irrational functions, which are of course in some ways almost medieval in reference. But I was raised on Jung (don’t get Himself started on that subject) and am very comfortable with the original ideas as he stated them…and your grandmother was always very careful to state that the Jungian categories should not be used judgmentally (sp?) but only descriptively.
Comment from
Grace
Time August 24, 2009 at 8:58 am
Alistair – Thanks for the follow-up. (And if other readers would like to see the article he references, it’s at Are You Living a Label.)
Yes, I agree that the labelling thing is often unconscious. Of course, I’d say that a lot of what most people do is fairly unconscious – and becoming more aware is a good thing all the way around! 
Judith – Welcome to my blog, Aunt!
My grandmother was, of course, correct. It’s basically what I’ve been saying in this post and in the article Alistair references: labels, whether Myers-Briggs or otherwise, can be useful or harmful. Which, in the end, is true of any tool. I can hit someone on the head with a hammer, or I can use it to make something useful and beautiful.
Comment from Adam Kayce
Time August 10, 2009 at 1:05 pm
How interesting — I recently re-took a Myers-Briggs thing, too, after years of thinking of myself as an INFP. When I first tested it, it really fit. But when I retook it recently, it came up as INTJ (I think), and the description also fit. But when I read the INFP description, it didn’t feel like me at all.
Amazing what some time away and years of growth—or regression, depending on how you look at it—will do!
And re: labels – I totally agree, but to keep this comment from becoming a novel, I’ll leave it at that.