I will be eternally grateful for your great gift of taking in to the fullest extent what it is that I
have to offer, living it, and then reflecting it back in terms of the potential experience of others.
You have given words to a process that defies words. And you’re constantly in a position to help
me continue to hone that, deeper and deeper and more and more resonantly, who I am and what I offer,
which is truly invaluable. — Jon Hansen, 
Working together was absolutely key, and I think that’s what made it such a great
experience. I felt like you were my partner in this. I felt like my success was your
success. To me, someone who has that attitude and the skills to go with it —
that’s an unbeatable combination! — Daniel Stone, 
I have a website I’m proud of — but for me, the hugest benefit has been
increased self-confidence. Because of the process we went through, and the validity that
came with the process, I trust what I think and I trust myself to speak about it. I have
greater confidence and clarity in my message about who I am and what I do. — Bev
Dwane AICI CIP, 
What you’ve sent me is so darn perfect it hurts! It’s a sheer pleasure to work with someone
who writes as beautifully as you do — and in “my” voice. — Ariane Goodwin, Ed.D,
You have a real gift for words. You’re really, really good at it. — Sherry Essig,
Do you trust yourself?
Tonight, I wrote to a friend: “This is a dumb question, but…”
I knew perfectly well that I was asking him to validate my instincts. I knew perfectly well that I knew the answer to the question I was asking. (In situations like this, the question always contains the answer.)
But I wanted validation. I wanted someone else, someone whose opinion I respect, to agree with me, to tell me that I was making the right decision.
Even as I knew what I was doing, I watched myself – with interest and amusement and, yes, compassion - hit the “send” button.
It’s a small thing, and he was glad to respond and give me the validation I was seeking (even though he poked a little gentle fun at me in the process).
But it’s an opportunity for me to look … and ask myself a question.
Not interrogation, not why don’t I trust myself. Not criticism, not what’s wrong with me that I don’t trust myself.
No, the real question is, why did I – why do I - turn away from myself? And what is the cost of turning away from myself in this way?
Today, I can see what I’m doing. But how often in the past have I done this without seeing? How often have I turned away from my own knowing, whether over an issue small or large, and lived instead by someone else’s opinion, someone else’s ideas of what was right for me? How often have I abdicated my integrity and autonomy in refusing to hear my inner voice, speaking what I already knew to be true?
The cost of turning away from myself is too great for me to pay any more. I’ll absolutely seek the thoughts and opinions of those I trust when I don’t already know the answer. But it’s time for me to honour my own knowing, hear and respect my own instincts, recognize and live my own truth.
What about you?
(With thanks to my friend, Jon Hansen, whose website tagline I paraphrased above, and whose support is, as always, deeply appreciated.)
Posted under The internal message.
Tags: Credibility, Fear & struggle
Comments
Comment from
Jenni Green
Time April 22, 2009 at 10:34 am
Great question. And great noticing.
For me, it’s all about progress in the right direction. I trust myself today more than I did a year ago… and not as much as I believe I will next year.
Comment from
Grace
Time April 22, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Victoria – Thank you. And good on you for being there too, as I know you are from reading some of your recent blog entries. (Augh. I really want to get CommentLuv working, but it just keeps fighting me!)
Jenni – Excellent point. It’s a continuum, and an evolution, for sure! Always being and always becoming. Thanks!
Comment from
Seth Simonds
Time April 26, 2009 at 10:09 pm
I have a very dear friend who, years ago, made a habit of calling me during times of emotional distress caused by yet another of her romantic escapades. She’d say “Seth, you know me better than I do. What am I going to do next and why should I try not to do what I always do?”
The best friends are the ones who help us find our voice when it seems we’ve lost our way. Ones who give advice are nice…ones who help us answer questions with what we know ourselves to be the best answer? Invaluable!
I am learning to trust myself more. Oh, it is such a process!
=)
Comment from
Grace
Time April 28, 2009 at 8:16 am
Seth – You are so right: the friend who can listen deeply enough and elicit what’s true for us, instead of offering an opinion or advice – that is absolutely invaluable, as you say.
And oh, yeah, such a process! Which, as a reader of your blogs, I would definitely say you’re embracing wholeheartedly.
Comment from
Alyssa
Time April 6, 2010 at 5:59 pm
I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit recently. I lost my Mother about a month ago to cancer. Since then, I’ve been questioning my own decisions.. didn’t realize how validating she was until she was gone. Now I have to make the choice to validate myself. All part of the hard work of dealing with the loss if a parent I suppose.
Comment from
Grace
Time April 7, 2010 at 6:41 am
Alyssa – My sympathies on the passing of your mother. There’s a space in your life now that she once filled. And as you notice, the impact of that space will show you things that you hadn’t known about yourself.
Your heart knows what’s true for you. Tuning your ear to that small, quiet voice is a process of discovery that – if you allow yourself to relax and be curious – can be a truly wonderful journey.
I wish you joy in the journey, even as you experience the grief of your mother’s passing.
Comment from Victoria Brouhard
Time April 21, 2009 at 11:09 pm
I’m feeling the heat with this one, Grace!
“How often have I turned away from my own knowing, whether over an issue small or large, and lived instead by someone else’s opinion, someone else’s ideas of what was right for me?”
That is so right on with what I deal with, too. Knowing the answer yet needing that validation.
And, I’m right there with you in saying it’s time honor my own knowing.
Beautifully said.