Marketing is very simple.

It’s just a conversation.  A conversation about how you can help someone.

As business owners, we make it so complicated.

We tie it up in our anxiety about money, about being liked, about being good enough, about being successful. 

It’s no wonder that it becomes this Huge Big Thing we feel we have to force ourselves to cope with.

And all that anxiety makes our marketing efforts all about us.  It makes us talk about ourselves, instead of listening to the people we’re with.  It makes us think about what we can get, instead of asking what we can give.

The anxiety turns the marketing conversation upside down.

Turn it right side up again.  Make it simple. 

It really is just a conversation about how you can help someone.

I grew up understanding that mistakes were very bad and to be avoided at any cost.  (Literally, at any cost.  Which is a very high price to pay.)

No surprise, then, that I grew up to be a detail-oriented, people-pleasing perfectionist with a deep aversion – okay, a deep fear – of vulnerability. 

I’m not blaming my parents, and I’m not about to embark on any sort of pop-psychological explanation of what happened.  Nor am I looking for sympathy.

I’m simply saying that this is what happened.

I think almost everyone internalizes a fear of mistakes to some degree.  Whether it’s from family, from experiences in school (there’s nothing worse for a child or teenager than being ridiculed for doing something “stupid”), or from struggles to achieve in the workplace, the potential to make a mistake can feel deeply threatening.  And the reality of making a mistake can seem overwhelmingly disastrous.

If you’ve never experienced this, you’re fortunate.

Being unable to accept the reality that mistakes happen means being self-destructive in many ways.

It can mean lying, to yourself and to others.  It can mean betraying your sense of who you are, as you struggle to be right in others’ eyes.  It can mean deep experiences of blame, shame, guilt, and self-anger and self-hatred when the inevitable mistakes do happen – even if you’re the only one who notices.

And it means being unable to learn from what’s happened.

Mistakes are an expression of humanity.  Mistakes are an expression of always becoming – always growing – always changing.

When you’re running your own business, mistakes can feel even more overwhelming and threatening. 

When you make a mistake that leads to an unhappy client or annoys a potential client – both of which I’ve done in the last few weeks – it could feel like the end of the world.  It could feel as if you’re really not supposed to be in business, you couldn’t possibly ever succeed, and you might as well go meekly back to job-hunting in this dreadful job market for whatever miserable employment you can find after being self-employed for so many years.

But what’s the real lesson in those mistakes?

And what’s the real mistake?

In both cases, the mistake was on both sides. 

And the real mistake on my side was not that I failed to make these two people happy. 

The real mistake lay in my not listening to my inner voice of wisdom – because in both cases, I knew there wasn’t a fit.  I knew that even though these were referrals (from two different people), and even though I wanted to prove myself deserving of the referrals, we weren’t right for each other.  What they wanted wasn’t what I’m best at providing, and what I’m best at providing wasn’t what they wanted.

There were also mistakes on their side, but they’re irrelevant to this point.  What’s relevant is that I recognize both sides, and that I’m not blaming myself for not being who they wanted me to be.

I’m not blaming myself for anything, actually.  I’m just noticing that it’s important for me to pay attention to the uneasiness that comes when something isn’t right.  It’s important for me to say no when someone isn’t a fit for who I am and for the work I do well.  Then they can find someone who is right for what they want, and I can give my time and attention to the people who do want what I do best.

To me, this feels like freedom.

What’s your experience with mistakes? 

Has your understanding of what a mistake is changed over time?

And have you found yourself stepping away from work that isn’t a fit for your skills, talents, and who you are?

This post is possible because of my good friend, guide, and teacher, Jon Hansen, without whom I never would have come to this understanding – and this experience of freedom. Thanks, Jon.

Claim your autonomy.

Don’t give other people – no matter how expert they may be – the power to control what you do in your business.

I know that’s scary.  For the first few years (maybe more) that I was in business, I chased the experts.  I downloaded endless free reports, e-books, training materials.  I paid lots of money for lots of programs that I diligently attended, read, participated in, completed the homework for. 

And yes, I learned a lot, and a lot of it has been very valuable in helping me create a business I’m proud of and deeply enjoy.

But in the end, what’s been most valuable to me is the realization that what works for someone else may or may not work for me – and probably won’t work for me right out of the box.  I need to modify it, adapt it to suit my way of doing things, my needs, my preferences.

So claim your autonomy. 

Don’t reinvent the wheel.  But do become very strategic about what you choose to study, and who you choose to learn from.

Apply critical thinking and sound judgment to your situation.  Just because someone says you should “never” or “always” do something, make sure that it really applies to your situation.  “Never” or “always” may work for the person advocating it, but it might not work for you.

Develop your capacity to feel what’s right for you, and to discern when fear and insecurity are driving you to find yet another teacher or business guru, versus when you really do have a need to learn something new. 

Trust yourself – trust that you do know what’s right for you.

If I had to name a single attribute that’s most important in being self-employed, I’d say that’s it:  learning to trust yourself.

Last week, I was invited to be a guest at a presentation to a small group of successful local CEOs and business owners. 

The presentation was about creating video for websites and other marketing.  As part of this presentation, the attendees were filmed for a one-minute video for their own websites.

Even though I’ve said repeatedly that 99% of businesses, from individual practitioners on up to multinational corporations, don’t know how to talk about what they do in ways that actually make sense to their best customers … I was surprised at how most of these men and women struggled.

It’s the features-versus-benefits thing again

I feel like I’m being dreadfully repetitive, but I just can’t emphasize it enough:  if you want to make the marketing conversation easy (yes, I said EASY, and I meant it!), you’ve got to understand your work from your customer’s perspective.

There are three things that get in the way of this.

1. Lack of understanding.  I see this over and over and over again:  people simply don’t know the scope of the value they provide to their customers.  Do the work to gain this understanding.  It’s crucial, and it’s not as hard or intimidating as you might feel.
2. Mono-focusing on what you do.  It’s understandable.  You started your business because you love doing it.  And you want to share the love.  But your customers do not care about the nuts-and-bolts of how you do what you do.  They only care about the resultsof what you do. Yes, they want to have confidence in your ability to produce those results, but that does not require the level of detail most business owners seem to think it does.  And giving them that confidence comes after they’ve experienced their desire or need for the RESULTS.
3. Fear of screwing up.  You might worry about annoying someone with a too-strong opinion and losing business, or about specializing too tightly and losing business, or about committing to a path that turns out to somehow be wrong and losing business, or about … let’s face it, the ways we all worry about screwing up (and losing business) are pretty endless.Fear of screwing up makes you stay bland and boring and safe.  And that’s ultimately the most deadly screwup you can commit.

I understand the resistance to this. 

I struggled for a long time with dreadful resistance to “market research” – which is the formal name for what I’m talking about.  Mostly, I struggled with it because I didn’t understand what it meant, I didn’t understand how to do it, and I didn’t understand what it would do for me.

I got past that resistance almost in spite of myself.  I began to understand more about what I really offer to my clients … and in doing so, I began to find it easier and easier to have conversations with potential clients that were more and more productive – and more and more enjoyable (for them, I’m sure, as well as for me).

And since I’m naturally a systems-and-process person, I started developing concrete, systematic, repeatable, and fun ways to conduct the kind of research that gains real understanding.

If you’re not doing that – you need to do it. 

As you can see from the amount of italics and all-caps I’ve inflicted on this post, it’s a bit of a soap-box issue for me. 

I get wound up about it because I know it will make all the difference to your success – and to how you feel about your work and your marketing.

What are you doing to understand your customers better?  How do you talk about your business?  What do you want to know about doing more of this – or about doing it more effectively?  Leave a comment and let me know!

Lying on the floor this morning between sets of push-ups, it occurred to me that what I was doing has a lot in common with marketing.  (Both the lying-on-the-floor part and the more active doing-push-ups part!)

That might sound a little far-fetched, and maybe a lot weird.  But bear with me, because I think there are some useful parallels.

1.  It’s GOOD for you!

Your body needs the physical exercise.  And your business needs the marketing exercise.

Of course, knowing it’s good for you doesn’t mean you’ll do it – but at least it’s a first step.

2.  Push-ups are easy for some body types, and difficult for others.  Marketing is easy for some personality types, and difficult for others.

Some people naturally find the work easier than others.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re one of the ones who finds it difficult.  Just don’t let the difficulty keep you from exploring ways to make it work for you!

3.  Different types of push-ups work different muscles.  Different types of marketing work different aspects of your business network.

You can do push-ups with your hands spread apart at shoulder level, and you can do them with your hands close to your body at chest level.  Each style works different muscles.

And you can do your marketing in person at networking events, with flyers and brochures, and through on-line social media outreach and your website (just to name a few options).

Mixing up your efforts always yields better results.

4.  The results are worth it.

The results of physical exercise go well beyond the abstract understanding that I’m healthier than I would be if I didn’t work out.  I can see the effect on my body, and I enjoy being able to lift heavy things easily.

And the results of my marketing go beyond the virtuous sense of doing what may sometimes be difficult.  My clients come to me from multiple sources, and I see the payoff, quite literally, in my bank account.

5.  Persistence pays.

Establishing a habit is always the hard part.

Expecting immediate results is an invitation to disappointment.

Keep going.  You’re developing strength – strength in your body, and strength in your network.

And even though it may not feel like it when you’re lying exhausted on the floor (literally or figuratively) – it IS worth it!

A client gave me a gift today - a gift that, as a word nerd, I absolutely love.

It’s a new word:  site-itis.

We were talking about how some sites have relevant, powerful content … but the design makes it so difficult to read that visitors can’t recognize or take advantage of the value. 

And the flip side of the coin:  those sites that are well designed, but the content is completely self-referential, with no demonstrated understanding of the customer.

My client said, referring to one site in particular, “Yeah, she must be having site-itis.”

I love that.  It’s so perfectly expressive of how people get carried away by design coolness – or how people can be so immersed in what they do that they forget to establish a relationship with the customer first.  (For a brilliant explanation of the latter topic, see Copyblogger’s recent post “Why Nobody Cares About Your Content (and what to do about it)” at http://www.copyblogger.com/user-focused-content/.)

In a spirit of fun and in total seriousness, I describe three symptoms of site-itis.  If your site demonstrates any of them, I strongly urge you to take corrective action! 

(I don’t want to put anyone on the spot by linking to specific examples of these situations.  Every example I describe, however, comes from a site I have personally seen and experienced.  And I’d be willing to bet you’ve seen similar examples in your own travels!)

1.  Your site is breaking out in a rash of cool technology or design.

Hey, I’m a technology fan from the word “go.”  I grew up as a programmer, and I love playing with new tools.

But when the latest “must have it” tool, technical implementation, or marketing fad is used for the sole purpose of using it, you’re not doing yourself or your customers any favors.

Why are you using a particular tool or design feature?  What value does it add?

If you can’t respond to that question with a strong, customer-focused answer, your site probably isn’t as effective as it could be. 

Example:  A site I saw last week uses a photo of a white-shirted, tie-wearing man’s chest as the background.  The photo is tinted blue.  And the tint changes constantly, fading from dark to light and back to dark again.

It was almost impossible to read the description of services that was overlaid (in white and light blue!) on this ever-changing background.

2.  Your site is inquisitive and bullying.

We’ve all heard that you have to make your readers feel the pain of their problem so that they can see the value of purchasing your solution.

And there’s certainly something to be said for that … as long as you do it with care and empathy rather than with a blunt instrument.

Sales pages that lead with a barrage of questions designed to make readers feel the pain often only make them wonder if they’ve inadvertently wandered into an S&M bar … or have been arrested on suspicion of murder.

Example:  The other day I helped a client revise the sales page she’d written for a program she’s about to release.  When I put on my “I’m a first-time visitor to this site” hat, the questions at the top of the page made me feel like I was being interrogated – and left me with a strong urge to ask, “Who the heck are you to be asking me such personal questions?”

In short, I felt bullied.  I did not feel understood, nor was I inclined to trust that this program would work for me.

3.  Your site content is arrogantly narcissistic or painfully insecure – or both.

When your site talks exclusively about what you do, it sends a message of complete antisocial self-absorption. 

Depending on the tone, it can come across as arrogant and know-it-all, or insecure and defensive.

Example:  I reviewed a site last week where literally every page began with “we” or “our” or some other self-referential pronoun. 

There was no way for potential customers to know if they were in the right place – if this company could actually help them with their specific problem.

When your site is antisocial, refusing to create connection, understanding, or common ground with your readers, they’ll feel confused, insecure, and unlikely to trust that you’re the right answer for their need.

What can you do about it?

Site-itis often comes with site blindness.  That’s when you can’t quite bring your own website into focus and see it as your customers see it. 

Site blindness is difficult to overcome on your own – after all, you either designed and wrote the site yourself, or you approved your designer’s and content developer’s work.

Get feedback – and not from your friends and relatives.  Ask your clients.  Ask potential clients.  Hire someone to do a site review; there are plenty of people, including me, who do them at very reasonable prices. 

Most of all, remember that as the old saying goes, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

Because in the end, no matter how cool you may think it is, and no matter how strongly you might feel about how the content reflects your work … what you think is irrelevant if your ideal client doesn’t agree.

Learn more about getting your site reviewed:  http://www.svahaconcepts.com/offerings/websitereview.html 

There are a thousand books out there telling you that your marketing isn’t about you, it’s about your customer.

There are a billion blog posts that say variations of the same thing. 

You might be familiar with it as, “Write your marketing copy as if you’re writing to one single person,” or you may just know it as, “It’s all about your customer!”

And yet, do you actually get that?  Or are you still painfully stuck in the endless multitude of ways that businesspeople confuse themselves about marketing?

• I don’t want to be a pest
• I don’t want to “sell” myself
• I don’t want to be pushy
• I feel like I’m sucking the life out of my customers
• I can’t offend potential clients
• I can’t follow up with them again
• I know they don’t want to hear from me any more
• I don’t want to bother them
• I don’t want them to hate me

Those are all things I’ve heard from my clients. 

Do you see what I see? 

None of those statements is about the customer. 

They’re all about the business owner.

The other day, I reviewed a website for a local business.  The business owner asked me for the review because he felt the site content isn’t communicating as well as it should or could be; they’re not seeing the results they want and expect. 

On every single page on the site, without exception, the first sentence was all about the company and its work.  They only wrote about themselves.  They never wrote about the customer and the customer’s problems.  Even the case studies were all about the work they did.

There was no empathy. 

I don’t care if you’re selling the most hard-edged corporate solution in the world to the most strait-laced corporate executive there is.  You still have to establish a connection.

When you understand your customer and you let him or her know you understand, you’ve established empathy – and you’ve made your marketing job a billion times easier.

It can be hard to break through the shell of all-about-you thoughts.  There are a lot of very real fears and concerns tied up in those thoughts. 

The following TEDx talk may appear a bit over the top from the perspective of marketing – but if you listen through to the end, you’ll hear what Sam Richards says about bringing this back into your day-to-day experience.

Me, I say – bring it back into your marketing.  It’ll help you break through that shell.

Networking is like throwing stones into a lake.

It’s a really big lake.  So big that you can’t see the other side.

It’s a calm, still lake.  And every stone you throw creates ripples that spread gently across the surface.

After a while, as you patiently keep throwing stones … after a while, even though all you can see are those ripples … eventually, the ripples intersect and interact.  Somewhere out there where you can’t even see, they’re crossing each other, communicating, creating new ripples and new patterns.

That’s when you start getting emails and phone calls out of the blue, from people you’ve never heard of or communicated with. 

People who say, “Oh, I heard about you from …” and they mention the name of someone whose life you touched.  Someone you helped, someone you gave something to just because, someone you did great work for.  Someone you had a ten-minute conversation with at a networking event – or someone you had a ten-Tweet conversation with on Twitter.

Networking isn’t about meeting someone and signing them up as a client.

Networking is about creating ripples.  Patiently, generously, consistently, interactively, conversationally … creating ripples.

Because eventually those ripples come back to you, in new, different, and productive ways.

But if you keep thinking networking is about signing up new clients, the stones you toss into the lake aren’t going to create the kinds of ripples you want.

I was talking with a friend and colleague – and sometimes client – this morning about strategy.

Jim is a Vistage chair here in San Diego.  (If you don’t know what Vistage is, check it out at http://www.vistage.com, and you can see his work at http://www.pinnacleceo.com.)  We were talking about the difference between strategy and tactics, and why some people struggle with making day-to-day tactical decisions that align with their strategic business objectives.

My contention is that when you know your foundational strategy, the day-to-day decisions become obvious.

He was saying that people don’t necessarily make the connection between their basic strategy and how it informs their decision-making process.

I agree – up to a point.

Because if your strategy isn’t informing your day-to-day decision-making, then you don’t understand your strategy at the level you need to in order to succeed. 

You may have a conceptual or theoretical understanding – but it’s not “baked in,” so to speak, at the blood-and-bone level.

And if you’re in business for yourself, you need to have that blood-and-bone understanding.

Ultimately, strategy is more important than branding, or a business plan, or an elevator pitch.  Because ultimately, strategy requires you to understand three things.

1. Yourself.  Why are you in business?  Why are you in this business?  What does it really mean to you, and do for you?
2. Your business.  What is it that you do – really?  (And if you think this is a stupid question, just go to any networking event and listen to people struggle to describe their work in ways that make sense to the average listener.)
3. Your customers.  Who are they – and what is it they really get from your service or product?  (Very, very few – almost no – business owners understand the actual value their customers receive.  You think you know, but I’d be willing to bet you don’t know half of it!)

You can brand yourself, you can write a business plan, and you can wordsmith an elevator pitch – without ever deeply understanding these three things.

And as long as you don’t understand those three things, you’ll struggle.

You’ll struggle to make decisions – because you won’t know how each decision brings you closer to yourself, your business, and your customers, or takes you further away.

You’ll struggle to market your business – because you won’t have the unswerving confidence you get when you  understand who your customers are and what you really do for them.

And you’ll struggle to make sales – because you won’t be conveying a crisp, clear message that speaks directly to your customers’ heart, gut, and mind. 

What do you think?

If you’re in business for yourself – really in business for yourself, rather than exploring a hobby or (as I wrote in my last post) developing a support network for yourself - then yes:  you’re a leader.

You’re a leader for your clients and customers, whether they’re buying nine-dollar e-books, thousand-dollar coaching packages, or ten-thousand-dollar consulting engagements – and anything in between, below, or above.

You’re a leader for your friends and family, who look to you for inspiration and who – even when they worry about the risks any small business owner takes – are proud of you and awed by your determination, resilience, and creativity. 

You’re a leader for the people in your network, the ones you support with referrals and recommendations for resources, the ones who rely on you for ideas and a willingness to listen.

You’re a leader for those on whom you rely for help and a shoulder to cry on when things seem hard.

If you have any sort of online presence at all – a website, with or without a blog, with or without social media activity – you’re a leader for anyone who clicks onto your site and reads a few sentences … and goes away with a little more insight, a little more hope, a little more understanding.  Even if they never come back again, and even if they never buy from you.

And you’re a leader for people who see your business and dream of – and take steps towards – developing their own because of something you, and others like you, inspired.

I recently read a book given to me by someone I originally met a number of years ago.  It was a virtual meeting, through email somehow, though I don’t remember exactly when or how it happened. 

Steve is an Army Major who has served multiple tours in Iraq and, most recently, in Afghanistan; in fact, he’s on his way home from Afghanistan even as I type this.  I haven’t asked his permission to publish his full name here, so I won’t (though I’ll send him a link and invite him to comment!).

Before he left on his latest tour of duty, he happened to be in Los Angeles for a training course, and I drove up to meet him for a highly enjoyable lunch.  He gave me a copy of In Extremis Leadership:  Leading as if Your Life Depended On It, by Thomas A. Kolditz.  I’m embarrassed at how long it took for me to actually read it, but in the end – of course – I read it at the perfect time.

I won’t deny the book was a little difficult for me to get into, but once I was past the first few chapters, I was hooked.  Kolditz uses examples from the military, police, fire, and skydiving to demonstrate how leadership in these situations – what he calls in extremis leadership – have certain characteristics that create better leaders than the traditional leadership development approaches in business.

Steve is a leader, and not just because he’s in the military; I think it’s something that comes naturally to him.  Steve and his wife lead by example, and part of his leadership has involved allowing himself to be an example, through the work he does above and beyond his military service and the ways in which he shows (not just tells) people what he and his wife are up to.  I admire how Steve consistently shows up as a leader – and shows up with a sense of humor despite grueling work schedules in difficult and dangerous environments.

Reading this book, I was brought to realize the ways in which those of us in business for ourselves really are leaders, and how that means we have a responsibility to those whom we inspire through our work – and, like Steve, through showing up as who we are.

We may be individuals working alone from our home offices, or we may have employees.  It doesn’t really matter.  We’re leaders, and for me, at least, viewing it from this perspective creates a distinct shift in my understanding of my relationship to my clients, my colleagues, and my network as a whole.

Thanks, Steve, for the book – and for your service and your leadership.