This morning I delivered the closing keynote at a conference.  (It was a small conference, but still – fun – me! closing keynote!)

I learned a couple of things, one of which is that networking, even the way I present it (a tad differently from most), is just not sexy.  (More on that in a minute.)

I also heard something that I hear a lot when I talk to people about networking (or for that matter, about almost anything in life):  how wrong people tend to feel when their experience doesn’t line up with their expectations.

One woman discovered that she’s always thought it was her fault when she wasn’t able to make the connections she expected to make at an event.   After hearing what I said about how to pick which events to attend, she realized she’d been trying to break into “old boys’ club” cliques.  I was delighted by the look of intrigue and even hope on her face as she started exploring ideas about alternatives.

This is why, whether I’m talking about networking or anything else, I always jump up and down about one particular point:

Your experience is the only thing that matters

I don’t care how many people say that you “should” do something.  If it’s not working for you, for pete’s sake STOP! 

At the very least you owe it to yourself to take a look at why it’s not working.  The common assumption is that somehow you’re screwing it up.  Is that really true, or is there something else going on?

The woman at the conference is one example. 

My own expectations and experience there is another.  I know my networking material is good.  So I expected that some of the people at the conference would be interested in getting my networking workbook and audio package at a big discount.

Um, not.  As I said, networking isn’t sexy.  It’s especially not sexy when you’ve been at a conference for several days and your brain is tired.  It’s even less sexy when you’re feeling safely employed by a company that doesn’t require you to go out and network as part of your job requirements.  (Oh, yeah.  Hm.  I remember those days!)

They liked the presentation well enough, but without the support of a company purchase order, the chances of their buying the package weren’t high. 

So, was I wrong to think this was a good opportunity to promote the workbook? 

As I drove away from the conference center this morning, I was calling myself all kinds of names, questioning my marketing message and my marketing abilities, blah – blah – blah. 

Until I realized – hey, this is another experience thing.  And guess what?  You can’t learn from experience until you’ve had an experience.  Before, I’d presented my networking material to people who are much more personally invested in effective networking:  fellow small-business folk and self-employed professionals.  This was something new – and I learned from it.

Now, if I repeat the same mistake, then I’d say there might be a problem. 

But as long as I remember that my experience matters, and matters a whole lot more than what “they” might tell me, I’ll be okay. 

And just for the record, “they” includes that critical internal voice!

You can find out more about the networking material at How to Kiss Frogs and Find Royalty: the fine art of fun, productive networking. (See, I told you it was a tad different from the norm!)