This is a follow-on to my newsletter article “Who’re You Talkin’ To?”

It seems to be human nature – some things we have to learn by experience. 

Marketing coaches, books, blogs, teachers, gurus – they all tell you to get focused, get clear, narrow your focus, be specific. 

And just about every small business owner or independent professional fights it.   We’re sure that being focused means excluding potential clients and limiting our opportunities.  No matter how many times we hear about the real results people experience from being clear, specific, and focused, we’re still convinced that they’re the exception.

A toddler has to experience the burn of the hot stove before he really gets his father’s “Don’t touch!” 

The toddler has it easy.  The pain of burning your fingers on the stove is direct, immediate, and memorable.

But the pain of not having a clear understanding of your client focus is a dull ache.  It’s the ache of frustration and self-doubt that arises when your business struggles and you’re not reaching the people you know you can help.

And you’re in constant contact with that hot stove – with the frustration and struggle - instead of just touching it and letting go.  So you don’t have an unpainful experience as an alternative reference point.

The resistance to getting clear goes beyond anxiety about limiting your scope and excluding potential customers.  That’s very real and very present for many people.  It’s the objection most often voiced when they’re asked why they haven’t narrowed their focus.  And it’s where many people focus their effort to convince themselves that they really do need to be more clear.

But often, a lot of insecurity and doubt lurks underneath.  It’s just not safe to be that certain and specific!  Who is it that you’re really here to help?  And who are you to think you can actually help them?  What about your best friend, who says you should be doing this, even though deep down something is calling you to do that? 

I know this path well.  For years, I was convinced beyond any doubt that my 25-year corporate background meant I should be working with executives. 

It wasn’t until I recognized how glad I am to be out of that world that I realized it’s not where my heart lies.

And the more I step up to and see the real value of what I’m good at – instead of giving it away because it’s easy for me – the more clients I have, the more people I help and inspire, and the happier I am.

It takes work.  It takes a commitment to looking deep and being honest with yourself about what you really want and what’s really true for you – not what you or anyone else think “should” be, but what really is.

It takes a willingness to not know – and that’s very hard and frightening for many people.  But until you don’t know, you can’t find out, because you’re stuck in the mire of shoulds and expectations.

It takes experimentation and exploration, because it’s an organic unfolding that keeps going deeper and broader.  If – as my business partner used to say to me  – you keep pulling the seedling up to look at its roots, you only stunt its growth.

It takes an awareness of yourself and an understanding that the process isn’t “once and done” but an amazing evolution.

And I’ve come to see that for those of us who are in business from our hearts, it’s essential.

What do you think?  What’s your experience been with this process?