This person was vehement about it.  His view is that your business and your personal life must be kept separate if you want to be successful.  Your business blog, Facebook, Twitter, other social media, and website should have nothing personal on it.  Communication with clients past, present, and future should only reference their personal lives (“What a cute picture of your kids on Facebook!”) and never yours.

According to him, this is a hard and fast rule for business success. 

I’m having a hard time with this, and not just because I see many successful people who are very personal in what they present within the context of their businesses.  (Sometimes a tad too personal for my taste, but they are successful, so it’s clearly working for them.)

I think most people want to feel a personal connection with someone before they hire them.  Especially if the service feels even the slightest bit intimate – and yes, if I’m going to get to the heart of what your business means to you and write effectively about it, then there’s intimacy involved. 

And if you’re hiring someone over the internet without having actually met him or her, you want to know that this person is real.  You want to know that they have values you can agree with, that they have a similar sense of humor, perhaps, or enjoy doing some of the things you enjoy doing.

If I’m hiring someone, I’m going to start by looking at their online presence to see if I can find a real person there.  I’m going to be seeking some sense that they know how to be vulnerable, honest, real.  Not too much – I also want to feel confident that they have personal strength and integrity and that I’m not going to end up supporting them instead!

But I know I want to work with someone I feel a personal connection with.  And I can only get that sense of personal connection if there’s personal information available to me. 

I’d think that if you were considering hiring a copywriter to help with your website, to work with you on developing an e-book or other type of program, or to edit your articles and help with marketing, that you’d want to know who I am before picking up the phone or sending me an email.  You’d want to know that I care about my clients’ success, not just about their credit card number.  You’d want to know if writing in your voice, not mine, was my highest priority.  (Just for the record:  I do, and it is!)

How can you get that from me, or from anyone, if it’s not revealed by what I write and how I show up, online and in person?

So, yeah, this guy’s vehemence about revealing nothing personal is baffling to me.  Because I want to know what’s up with the people I do business with, whether I’m hiring them, helping them promote their work, or engaging in any other sort of business relationship.

What about you?  What’s your experience, and what’s your opinion?

Business and marketing coaches are forever harping on about knowing our customers.  They prod and poke at us to do market research (which, if you’re like me, makes you want to hide under the bed).  They take various approaches and use different methods, but it all comes down to getting us to look at who our customers are and what they really want.

If you’re like me, you’re passionate about what you do.  You light up inside – and probably on the outside as well – when you help someone.  In whatever realm you work, you create transformation for your clients. 

And that’s not too strong a word.  Whether you’re training corporate employees to be better at customer service or doing the deepest individual personal work, the ultimate goal is some type of transformation.

From your perspective, the problem you solve is obvious.  And for many independent practitioners, it’s very personal; this is often a problem you struggled with and overcame, and now you naturally want to help others.

Forgive me, but there’s a problem – or at least a potential problem – with all of this.

All too often, the problem we want to solve for our clients is not a problem they perceive.  Quite frankly, it’s simply not important to them.

From their perspective, the problem doesn’t matter.  In fact, from their perspective, the problem may not even exist.

And if the problem doesn’t matter, your solution could be the niftiest, most fantastic, most utterly perfect solution in the world … but you’re not going to sell much of it.

I don’t care how perfectly you describe it on your website.  I don’t care how fantastic your sales pages are, or how eloquently you talk about it at networking events.

If your customers don’t think it’s a problem, or if it doesn’t cause enough discomfort for them to do anything about, it ain’t gonna sell.  End of story.

Now, we all know this in theory.  I’m quite sure I’m not the only person who’s told you this. 

The thing is, we tend to see the problem very differently.  Obviously, if we didn’t think it was a problem, a serious problem, we sure wouldn’t be putting our time and effort into it, never mind expecting it to pay our bills.

And it can be very, very difficult, when you’re in love with what you do, to see how it just doesn’t matter to your customers.  (Ultimately, it’s actually a relief – but that’s hard to believe when you’re in the middle of it.)

Perspective.

I was brainstorming recently with a young woman about a business idea she has.  It’s a terrific idea; absolutely fantastic, absolutely needed, and absolutely (in my opinion, anyway) viable. 

But when we started talking about her ideal customer, I had to raise some warning flags.

I don’t want to give away her business idea, because it is incredibly smart and viable.  So unfortunately, I can’t explain the details.

But what it comes down to is that there are many problems that are only problems in hindsight.  (Perspective!) 

From this side of the situation, you’re saying, “If I’d only known!”  And it’s painful to see your potential customers hurtling headlong into the big black pit of The Problem.  You want to reach out and help them, stop them from jumping in and getting hurt.

But put yourself back on that side of the situation, before you ran into whatever The Problem is – before your customers run into The Problem. 

Is it a problem from that side? 

Is it a problem you’re going to admit to? 

Or will you be in denial about it for some reason – whether because you just don’t have the life experience, or because what’s happening is too exciting for you to pay attention to warning signs, or even because it’s just too embarrassing or taboo? 

(For a look at the latter, see my early post “Corporate Politics and Sex” – a pretty classic example of a great solution that just couldn’t find anyone willing to admit they had the problem.)

There are a lot of ways to fix this. 

In the case of the young woman I mentioned, she can easily adjust her target market just a little.  The problem she wants to solve is very real for many people who are seeking the help she offers.  And she can still reach those in her original target who are ready to hear what she has to say.  

(For me, as you know if you’ve followed this blog and/or my newsletter for any length of time, the writing work is what I was really already doing anyway; letting go of the other was a huge relief.)

If you’re solving a problem that doesn’t matter to your customers, something in you already knows it.  Something in you is niggling about it, whispering that things aren’t quite right, that it’s all a lot of work that’s not giving you the satisfaction you expected.

That doesn’t necessarily mean your business idea is bad, or that you somehow screwed up.

It definitely means you need to step back, take a look, and adjust your perspective about who your market is - and what their problem is.

A few weeks before that, I was talking with a different friend about referrals.

Both times, a knotty question came up.

What do you do when you like and recommend someone’s work, but there doesn’t seem to be reciprocation?  All the referrals are flowing one way – theirs – and you’re starting to feel frustrated, a tad confused, perhaps even hurt and annoyed.

It came up spontaneously in both conversations - it isn’t as if I’ve been trying to figure this out – but it did start me thinking about what it means to give and receive referrals.

I finally came to a few conclusions about what I call the “referral dance.”   Because in many ways it is a dance – a flow where you’re taking cues from someone else, and giving cues to them, and either one of you may or may not be reading those cues correctly. 

Seems to me there are some the key places where people mis-cue in the dance.  (Ever been dropped on the dance floor?  I have!)

1. Don’t assume someone knows you’re sending business her way.  Give her a heads-up.  “Hey, I gave someone your contact info for something he needs help with - I’d love to know if you hear from him!” 
2. Are you clear about what you do and what sorts of people you work with?  It’s worth making this very, very clear.  Not everyone is going to read your website to find out.  And believe it or not, even your clients don’t necessarily know the best ways to refer you.  If you want someone to send you referrals, tell him exactly who you want him to refer – and how!
3. Are you clear with yourself about your referral criteria?  For instance, I won’t refer you to anyone whose work I don’t know.  Whether I’ve actually experienced their work first-hand in some way, or had enough people tell me how fabulous they are that I believe it – if you get a referral from me, it’s because I stand behind that person’s work. 
4. Are you getting business sent to you?  By whom?  Track your most consistent referral sources – and find ways to thank them.  There could be reasons why you can’t refer business back in their direction (they might not be in business, or you might not know anyone who fits their criteria), but that doesn’t excuse failing to recognize their efforts on your behalf.  It’s easy to be so involved with your business – finding clients, serving the clients you have – that you overlook non-client relationships.  Don’t!  Find ways to help those who are helping you.
5. Let yourself feel annoyed at someone who’s not reciprocating if that’s what’s real for you – but then do something about it.  That doesn’t mean berating the other person.  It means asking yourself if you’ve been clear about who you want them to send to you (maybe they just missed your cue?).  And it could mean finding someone else who’s equally skilled and talented at what they do – and more skilled and talented at the referral dance.

Referrals really are about the relationship you have with your referral partners.  Whether you’re giving or receiving, a referral feels good – and it’s a tremendous way to build your business.  When someone who really “gets” what you do sends you the perfect client, there’s nothing more heart-warming and downright fun.  And it’s almost as much fun to send someone else the perfect client in return.

The best dance partner is someone you know and trust.  And that’s true in the referral dance as well as at the local club.

Excuse me.  I need to go answer an email I just received from someone who was referred by a past client of mine.   (No joke.  Perfect timing, huh?)

What’s your experience with referrals?

You may think you don’t know enough about marketing.  Or you might feel as if your website isn’t complete or perfect enough.  You could be worried that prospective clients may feel as if you’re nagging them.  Or your passion for what you do might feel too big – embarrassing, even – to put into words.

Whatever action you’re not taking, and whatever it is that’s keeping you from taking that action, it all boils down to one thing:  Fear.

You could call it anxiety, worry, uncertainty, lack of confidence, shyness, or a host of other names.  But at the root, it’s fear.

Fear is a part of our human existence.  And it’s perfectly okay to feel nervous and vulnerable about what you want to do.

Fear isn’t the problem.  And fear isn’t what’s stopping you.

Waiting on fear – waiting for it to go away, waiting till you feel confident and secure – is what’s really keeping you from moving forward.

The longer you try to suppress it, pretend it’s not there, or transcend it, the more stubborn it’s going to get.  So give your fear a voice.  Let it express itself – whether in writing or in a conversation with a friend – and tell you all about worst-case scenarios. 

My experience is that when I let those worst-case scenarios out of the darkness of my thoughts and into the light of day, they reveal themselves as just thoughts, with no substance and certainly no reality.  After all, fantasies, even dark ones, are still just fantasies – and when I turn and look at them, some are laughably ridiculous.  And laughter is a great antidote to fear!

Everyone feels nerves and anxiety about doing the things that matter to them.   And anyone who’s ever started a blog, launched a product, or put up a new website has felt at least some anxiety about how it was going to be received. 

The thing is, if you never do it, you’ll never know.

What do you want to do?

What’s keeping you from doing it?

I have serious perpetual-student tendencies. 

I love learning new things.  I love learning more about things I already know about.  And I’ve struggled to believe that I know enough, that I’m not going to embarrass myself by making some sort of obvious mistake.

But being a perpetual student keeps me from showing up in the ways you, as my blog reader (and newsletter reader and/or client), deserve. 

Not so incidentally, it also wastes my time and money.  And I feel resentful and annoyed when I buy a book, program, or other product and it turns out I already knew 95% (or more) of what’s being presented.

That’s not to say the book, program, or product is bad.  It’s quite the reverse:  it’s saying I do know my stuff.  And sometime last year I realized it’s time to get off my pile of books, stop reading every blog in sight looking for one last nugget of wisdom, and start putting my own nuggets out there.

So that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.  I haven’t succumbed to the temptation to buy programs or books in quite a while.  (There were a couple of near misses, but I pulled myself back from the brink on each of them!) 

I’ve realized that although I may not know all that Expert X or Guru Y know, I do know things they may not know – especially since I approach my work with clients from a rather different-than-usual perspective.

Putting an end to being a perpetual student doesn’t mean putting an end to learning.  I’d never suggest that.  But it does mean putting an end to using feelings of not knowing enough as an excuse for not showing up.  And it means allowing myself to recognize that I am the expert my clients need.

What about you?  Are you allowing your desire to know more, or your insecurity about not knowing enough, to keep you stuck in perpetual-student mode?  Is it time to move out from there, to stop focusing on what you don’t know, and start focusing on showing up for your business, your clients, and yourself?

What would happen if you knew that right now, in this minute, you know enough?

And this makes me really angry.

Several months ago, a friend of mine mentioned receiving a notice in the mail to renew his domain name purchase.  He mildly said that it seemed a bit expensive, and wondered if I could recommend a different URL registrar that he could switch to.

He was surprised at my reaction – which was vehement, to say the least.  In short, I went off on a tirade about unethical, nasty business practices.

If you own a URL, you’ve probably seen these notices.  The chances are vanishingly small that they actually come from the company where you registered your URL.   Instead, they come from companies that take advantage of people not reading the fine print, and count on people reacting like most of us do when we receive a bill in the mail.  We pay it.  Especially when it’s something as important as renewing the URL on which our business’s website depends.

These notices are nasty and deceptive not just because they cause you to transfer your URL listing from the people from whom you initially bought it.   No, they’re really nasty and deceptive because they cause you to do this without being aware of it, and at a significantly higher fee.

Yesterday, I received a different notice in the mail.  This one claimed to be from the California State Fictitious Business Name registrar in Sacramento.  (There is no such thing, at least, not as a government office.  Fictitious business name registrars, or DBA (doing-business-as) registrars, are local to the county.) 

It was a thickly-printed page with a lot of information about how my fictitious business name would expire in October of this year (true) and how I needed to renew it by May 25th (untrue) and how renewing it required publishing a notice in the newspaper (also untrue; this is only needed for the initial filing, if the name has lapsed, or if there have been significant changes).

And they wanted $100 from me.

Five years ago, it cost me $20 to file a fictitious business name.  The current fee is $30, for another five years.

Now, I’m careful about these things.  I read the fine print, especially when it’s something that seems this out of whack.

Nonetheless, it took me three thorough readings before I found the wording saying that this was a service, not an official notice.  By the time I finally found it, I was on the phone (on hold) with the San Diego County registrar’s office, preparing to ask them if the notice was legitimate.

I wish this sort of thing was illegal.

I really wish that people didn’t feel the need to run businesses that take advantage of others.

Since it’s not illegal, and since there are obviously plenty of people who do run businesses that prey on others … please be aware and be careful.

I see over and over and over again how important clarity and focus are for small businesses, independent practitioners, and even corporate employees and jobseekers.  And I see over and over again how having that clarity and focus inevitably creates inspired action and therefore real results - versus what I call “action for the sake of action,” which seldom brings results.

It’s one of those things that’s preached a lot more often than it’s practiced.  

I’ve written before about the importance of understanding your clients and of being very clear with your customers about how they can buy from you.   I’m not going to re-hash those points in this post. 

Instead, over the next few posts I’m going to give you some examples that have been a part of my life – for myself or for my clients – in recent weeks.

The first example:  a success story

I facilitate a Special Interest Group (SIG) for independent consultants through the San Diego chapter of ASTD (that’s the American Society for Training and Development).

We’re a young SIG, just getting to know each other and each other’s businesses.  Unsurprisingly, the first topic the group chose to tackle is the significant question of … marketing.  

In our last meeting, one of the members – who freely admits that she’s allergic to traditional marketing – described a great success story.

She provides government-mandated sexual harassment training.  Her twist (I refuse to use the words “unique selling proposition”) is that her training is fun and therefore memorable.  After all, when the participants are enjoying themselves, they’re far more likely to understand and remember what they’ve been taught.

She prefers research to cold calls.  (Who wouldn’t?!)  So she did her research, starting with getting very clear on who her best clients are.  Size matters for her:  under 50 employees, they aren’t required to conduct the training; over 200, and they’re likely to do it in-house or through an online service rather than bringing in a consultant.  And industry matters: her biggest successes have been in manufacturing and high tech.

Then she dug through online business databases to find local companies who fit that profile.  And she sent out 178 postcards describing her service.

She got three jobs from that process – which is a great success rate.

Let’s pick this apart a little bit.

I’ve described what she did in detail not because I think you should do it too, but because it’s a beautiful example of clarity + focus = inspired action.

Her offering – government-mandated harassment training – is one of the few types of services offering (in my opinion) where you’re likely to get a response from a single postcard mailing with no follow-up. 

Companies have to do this training.  They don’t enjoy doing it, and their employees complain about the time it takes out of their already overcrowded schedule.

She was very clear about this.  She was also very clear about why her training is different – that “fun and memorable” aspect – and why that matters to her customers. 

Then she focused on and got clear about exactly who her best customers are.   And she stayed focused on those customers, which is something small business owners often struggle with. 

Inspired action naturally followed:  a very targeted mailing to that focused group of companies.   And she enjoyed the results.

Not only that, but she learned from what happened. 

She saw who responded – primarily manufacturing companies – and decided that her next mailing will be even more focused.  And she saw how the timing of her first mailing – right before the holidays – was perhaps not the best choice. 

So she’ll do some things differently next time.

What’s my point?

My point is not to suggest that you do a postcard mailing.  I want to be very clear on that.  I consider postcard mailings to be a complete waste of time and money for most people in most businesses.

My point is that this is a classic and beautiful example of how clarity + focus = inspired action, and inspired action leads to real results.

In my next post, I’ll illustrate the opposite side of the coin:  how lack of clarity and focus tends to lead to action for action’s sake – with little or nothing in the way of results.

What’s your experience?

When have you found your own clarity and focus – and what has ensued?

Conversely, what’s happened when you haven’t been clear or focused?

One thing to notice:  it’s often only in hindsight or with help from someone with fresh perspective that we see just how unclear and unfocused we’ve been.

Robert Heinlein coined the acronym (though not the sentiment) 44 years ago in his book The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.  And it’s still true.

When you’re just starting out in business, a lot of people tell you to give away your work.  “For the experience,” they suggest, or “To get referrals and testimonials.”

There are those who say they’ve been very successful with this.  And that may be, though I suspect their success is the result of a well-crafted marketing strategy, which is quite different from giving away free work - and which is something most newcomers to small business and self-employment are seldom knowledgeable, aware, or skilled enough to do.

What I experienced instead, and what I’ve seen others experience, is an exhausting, discouraging grind of very hard work for very little return. 

When you’re starting out, it’s also very tempting to accept free work from others, or to exchange (barter) your work for theirs.

This can be a great partnership.  But it must be entered into with care to ensure that it really is a partnership.  You need to be sure that the work you’re getting is of a quality you’d actually pay for - that the person doing the work is someone you’d be willing to hire.

A client of mine accepted free website design, hosting, and implementation in return for favors he’d given in the past.  Because he knew the person, it didn’t occur to him to do the due diligence he’d have done if he were planning to pay.

To cut a long, painful story short, it was a disaster, plain and simple.  Fortunately, my technical and consulting background allowed me to step up and handle the project management, testing, troubleshooting, and problem resolution that weren’t being done.

When work is free, both parties feel different about it. 

The receiver tends to devalue it.  If you’ve ever hosted a free class, for instance, you know that only a few of the people who sign up actually show up. 

And the service provider is often uncommitted – as my client discovered – to delivering a quality result.

This is not to say it never works, because it does.  My business partner and I started out with his offer to work with me as a very generous gift – a gift for which I’ll always be grateful.  And I’ve happily worked on his website in return.

But it only works when both parties are wholly committed to showing up in the relationship – showing up with 100% of who they are and what they do.

And it only works when the service being delivered is one that the recipient would find worth paying for.

Otherwise?  Well, like my client, you may find that TANSTAAFL is a rule that holds true for you, too.

“Oh, ‘tanstaafl.’ Means – There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.’ And isn’t,” I added, pointing to a FREE LUNCH sign across room, “or these drinks would cost half as much. Was reminding her that anything free costs twice as much in long run or turns out worthless.”

“An interesting philosophy.”

“Not philosophy, fact. One way or other, what you get, you pay for.”

- Robert Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, 1966

Of course it was absolutely absurd for the IRS to spend money on auditing tiny little excruciatingly honest me.  

And it was fascinating. 

To start with, the IRS man, who, since I didn’t ask permission, I’ll just call by his first initial – “M” – was very nice.  Not that I expected otherwise,  but it was delightful to go through the process with someone who was just genuinely nice and whom I could enjoy talking and even laughing with.

And the whole thing took about 1/3 the time he’d told me to expect.

Why?  Very simple:  I have very complete, very organized records.

My being organized is slightly legendary among friends and acquaintances.  I’ve been called everything from anal to self-disciplined.  I don’t think the former is true, and the latter is definitely not.

You see, I have an absolute hatred for not being able to find things.  Therefore, it’s pretty much impossible for me to create piles of stuff, or to not file things, or even to not balance my checking accounts.   It would, weirdly enough, be far more of an effort of self-discipline for me to not be organized. 

This meant that, following the instructions in the letter I received from M, I spent about two hours over the weekend collecting file folders and printing out the electronic receipts for Internet purchases I’d made that year.

When he arrived, it was all laid out on my dining room table.  He spent about 45 minutes interviewing me about my business and my records, and then I turned him loose on the folders and went back to work.

And because it was all so organized, and because everything on one side of the picture (deposits to my business and personal accounts) had an origin on the other side of the picture (business income, for instance), he was done by noon. 

Initially, it seemed that my tax software had barfed and created an error in the IRS’s favour. 

But then we spent an additional half hour tracking down an apparent discrepancy, and discovered that the barfing was actually in my favor. 

To cut a rapidly-growing-too-long story short, here’s what I learned that might help you in your IRS travels, whether you have a business of your own or not.

1. Keep those records.  Even if for you it is a matter of self-discipline, it’s so worth it.  M told me that most audits take at least a day, usually a day and a half or more.   And if your records are wonky, not only will it be a more-painful audit process, but you’ll just generally have a greater chance of missed deductions and other errors.  All of which will have to be sorted out in an audit, and which may be costing you real money every year.
2. Don’t panic.  These guys aren’t here to catch you doing something wrong.  They really are – or at least, M certainly was – just interested in ensuring accuracy.
3. Be aware of what might flag an audit.  In my case, it was three things – and I’d do them all exactly the same again, with the possible exception of the error made by my tax software!
   1. This was an audit of an early year in my business, and one of their questions was, quite reasonably, “How is she paying her bills?”  (A question I wondered about myself that year…)
   2. The deduction for utilities was disproportionately high versus known utility rates, what would be expected for a utility bill for a home office, and what I’d reported the previous year.  (This is where my tax software goofed.)
   3. Similarly, my health insurance premiums were disproportionate to what I’d reported the previous year.  (That was easy; I’d for some reason not reported any the previous year, even though I’d had insurance.)
4. Be aware that your tax software (if you use software) or even your paid tax preparer person (if that’s how you get your taxes done) can goof.  That’s what happened to what was reported for my utility bills.  I’m not at all sure what I’d do differently, because I rather doubt I’d have caught the errors that were made… but I do plan to review the final filing a little more carefully now I know what can happen.

Even though you may be running a very small, not to say itty-bitty, business, the tax man is watching.  So if you don’t know how to keep accurate records, get help.  (I owe my friend Sherry a HUGE vote of thanks for her help getting my bookkeeping process established early on in my business!)

And if you do get picked for an audit, don’t panic.  Making it easy for them will help them make it easy for you. 

Me?  I not only have a whole unexpected half day today to catch up on work I’d expected to be doing tomorrow, but it also looks like I’ll probably be getting a very small check from the IRS.  (Very small.  But better that, than t’other way around!)

I felt weird writing the post, but I attributed it to being more “out there” and vulnerable (more authentic?) than had been my norm, especially since blogging was new to me at the time.

It’s bugged me ever since, so I’m finally writing this post to clarify things.

I thought, then and now, that the reader had a valid point.  In attempting to respond to that point, I’d sat down at my computer keyboard with an intention to be really, really authentic and vulnerable.

But what resulted wasn’t honest.  It was a case of manufacturing authenticity.  I got drawn into being more dramatic than I am.  It also ended up appearing to be a plea for sympathy or support, which I didn’t need.  (There are times when I do, believe me, but that wasn’t one of them.)

I tend to process my stuff pretty quietly.  I’m so quiet that a good friend of mine once complained that there were times when she found herself wondering how well she actually knew me.   I’d say this is because I’m an introvert, yet I know other people who are introverts and are nonetheless much more public with their process. 

Both of these approaches - and all the other flavours of how people present themselves – is perfectly all right.  And I think that when we look for authenticity, in ourselves as well as in other people, it’s profoundly important to remember that authenticity shows up in different ways for different people. 

At the same time, I’ve got this uncomfortable feeling that “authenticity” has become a marketing tool.

Actually, I have a feeling that my feeling about this is a wee bit belated.  So much so that you may be shaking your head and wondering what cave I’ve been living in for not having realized this sooner.

In wondering about this, I’m reading websites and blogs and asking myself … how do I know if this is who this person really is?  How do I discover if I can actually trust what this person says?  Are they how they present themselves, or is this manufactured authenticity being used to market their business?

I’m not comfortable with this question, yet I’m also not comfortable with leaving it unanswered. 

What do you think?  And how would you answer the question?