Early this week I received a private email from a reader, asking me to put my money where my mouth is.  If, this person said, I’m requesting people to be open and honest and vulnerable in sharing their questions and thoughts about issues they’re facing with their careers and their lives, where are the open, honest, vulnerable posts from me?

Good question. 

Like most feelings, vulnerability is relative.  As a new blogger, I’m still bumbling around trying to find my “blogging voice,” trying to feel my way into understanding how it’s different from my article-writing voice. 

And I’m bumbling around inside myself trying to figure out how to listen to my fear about all of this and still show up the way I want to, as myself, just me, smiles and warts and joy and vulnerability and all.  (Uh, just for the record, I actually don’t have warts right now.)

I was reminded of a quote from Dr. Seuss: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”  (With thanks to Adam Kayce of Monk at Work, who Twittered it yesterday.)

My fear, however, isn’t very impressed by motivational quotes.

There’s another quote, an old children’s rhyme:  “When in danger or in doubt, Run in circles, scream and shout.”  I think my fear likes that one better.

I’ve gotten very friendly with my fear over my years of being self-employed.  I’ve learned that trying to ignore it or tell it to go away doesn’t work.  As I said in the post “Fear: the other ‘f’ word,” fear ignored just gets louder and louder.  In fact, when you ignore it really well (as one of my clients is currently discovering), it goes underground and tunnels around down there where you can’t see it.  (That’s when you find yourself doing weird things that undercut all your efforts towards what you really want. )

2009 is apparently the year in which I make a lot of changes a lot more changes in my business.  Most of those All those changes involve me showing up in new and bigger and MUCH more vulnerable ways. 

So here I am to tell you that I’m both wildly excited, and scared stiff.  And “scared stiff” isn’t just a catchy slang phrase, either.  Sometimes what I’m planning to do scares me into complete immobility, and then for a while absolutely nothing gets done. 

But I’ve learned something about fear over these years of being self-employed.  My fear is trying to protect me from what it considers to be unacceptable risks.  I know that now.  I also know that its definition of “unacceptable risk” isn’t the same as mine, weird as that may sound. 

I’m going ahead with the big changes.  You’ll see them in upcoming weeks as I roll out a new website design, including all-new descriptions of what it is I really do. 

Because after discovering that corporate politics is just as taboo as sex, I also discovered that although I’ve definitely got a talent for figuring out political tangles, it’s also far from the only, or the most important, thing that I help my clients with.

More on that later.  In the meantime, here’s me where I am: frightened half silly by what I’m doing, and at the same time completely delighted and humbled by the amazing opportunity for me to show up and really do the work I’m here to do.

Feel free to join in and help keep me honest.

This was an Ask Grace post, in which I answer readers’ questions. Got a question? Send it to me or write a comment.