I’ve spent the last few weeks answering questions on an “ask the coach” thread on a women’s forum called “altdotlife.” It’s been great fun. And I’ve been delighted by the sheer number of questions, and especially by the profoundly real quality of them – thoughtful, well-explained, and almost unanimously impassioned and heartfelt.
Most of the women on this forum – or at least, most of those who asked questions – are in the early to early-middle stages of their careers. Many of them have advanced degrees. They’re smart, highly-educated, articulate, and want their careers to be more than just “a job” – they’re seeking meaning and value.
For me, looking back from a rather older perspective (to say the least!), it was poignant in many ways. I can’t help thinking that if more people had these women’s views on their work, the world would be a happier – and probably healthier and more prosperous – place.
With all of that in mind, a recurring theme around “princess syndrome” was really striking to me.
What, you may ask, is this? I’d never heard of it, but the context made it pretty clear.
Many of them feel as if they’re very fortunate. They recognize that they’re relatively well off. They have good educations and many of them are starting families. They feel as if they have a lot.
And many of them feel guilty because, in the midst of having so much, their jobs strike a jarringly unsatisfying note. Whether it’s not being sufficiently challenged, not doing work they feel is worthwhile or an expression of who they are, or they’re just not happy in the career where they’ve landed, they don’t feel right, somehow, about what they do for a living.
Yet because they feel privileged, in one way or another, they’re asking the deeply sad question: do I deserve to enjoy my job? Or should I just suck it up and not make waves – since I have so much in the rest of my life?
In other words, they feel like princesses. They feel as if they not only shouldn’t complain, they shouldn’t even try to do anything about how they feel. They feel as if they shouldn’t even feel the way they do!
Of course I said – sometimes quite vehemently! – that they, just like everyone else, absolutely deserve to feel excited and inspired about what they do for a living.*
I even played dirty once or twice, asking, “What sort of example are you setting for your daughter if you allow yourself to be ’sucked under’ by this job that’s so completely not who you are?”
I’m happy to say that I think some of these women are taking steps – sometimes very big steps, sometimes apparently-smaller steps, but in every case very brave steps – towards change. I’m pretty sure I’ve made a difference – and as you know if you’ve been reading this blog and/or my newsletters (especially my Personal Manifesto post), that’s what’s incredible and meaningful for me in what I do!
And I wanted to bring this “princess syndrome” question out of hiding, as it were – out of the privacy of that forum, and put it here, in the public view. I wanted to say, in this public place, that I think it’s a dreadful, terrible shame that these young women feel this way.**
I wanted to say that if any of you feel this way, please ask yourself if it’s true. Is it true that you don’t deserve a good, rewarding job just because you may feel grateful and fortunate in other areas of your life? Instead, isn’t it more true that not having a job you can enjoy to the hilt means that those other aspects of your life take on a slightly dimmer cast? You spend too many hours of your life at work for it to be something other than what you want!
And I wanted to say that if any of you knows someone who feels this way – who’s got “princess syndrome” going on – please encourage her to step into the truth of what she wants.
You may not know what you want – but I know you know when you’re stuck in something you don’t want. And just because you spent time, effort, and money on getting started in a career doesn’t mean you’re tied to it for life.
Life is too short to feel suffocated, sucked under, stagnated in a job or a career that’s not right for you. After all, it could be amazingly right for someone else. So explore, learn, experiment, and discover what is right for you!
*Assuming someone wants to, that is; there are those who are content to do less-than-inspiring (for them) jobs, and find their joy and inspiration outside of work.
**There may be young men who have a similar “prince syndrome”; I don’t know, though given what I do know about the different ways men and women approach work and what they want, I’m going to say I rather doubt it.