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What’s It All About?
Why do you go to work every day?
You spend most of your waking hours at work. Maybe you love your job, maybe you hate it, or maybe you have days when you love it and others when you hate it. Whatever you feel about it, you’re seeking something more from your job than just your paycheck.
In fact, if you’re like most people you look to your job to give you something that doesn’t always co-exist with your career. Not only does this doom you to frustration — frustration that may be hard to understand and hard to cope with — but it inevitably leads to interpersonal and political issues.
Here are three things that many people unconsciously look for in their workplaces. You may recognize one, or all three. Or there may be something else that you’re seeking. Figuring out what it is and finding it outside the office will improve your ability to get things done in the office. And you’ll feel better about yourself and your job.
Acceptance
When you are employed by a company, you’ve been accepted by them. However, most people look for something more. It’s human nature to want to fit in, to feel liked by the people around you.
But every workplace is filled with people from different backgrounds and with different values and goals. They’re not all going to agree with you, certainly not all the time. When you look for acceptance from your co-workers, managers, or employees, you’re not only going to be disappointed, but you’ll be tempted to downplay your opinions and ideas in order to be ... accepted.
Being aware is your best defense. Observe your actions, reactions, and thoughts. When you change your mind about something, for instance, is it because you’ve honestly been convinced, or because you’re acquiescing in order to fit in?
Approval
Expecting your employees to approve of you is doomed to disappointment. As a manager and executive, you will make decisions that your employees don’t like. It’s a fact of management. Accept that fact and you’ll be on steadier ground, able to make your decisions rationally and back them up calmly.
Looking for approval from your peers is equally doomed, and can dangerously undercut your effectiveness. Your peers will sense your uncertainty and your need for their reassurance. Even without any ulterior motives, power trips, or competitive instincts, they’ll begin doubting your abilities. If you’re really unlucky, they’ll start trespassing on your authority, talking about your shortcomings with your manager and staff, and generally spreading doubt about your professionalism and capability.
Finally, seeking approval from your manager can be appropriate — but only to a point. If your need for support and guidance, or just for positive feedback, is disproportionate to your position, you’re once again creating doubt about your abilities. As a junior employee, expecting oversight and direction from your manager is appropriate; the more senior you are, the more you’re expected to act independently.
You’ll notice that you seek approval from just one or two specific people, rather than from everyone in general. (You’re more likely to seek acceptance from everyone in general.) Observe yourself in your interactions with others. Recognize your appropriate behaviors with those whose approval you’re not seeking — and then consciously bring those behaviors into your interactions with your “approvers.” Be careful not to simply switch your need for approval from one person to another! And ask yourself why you want approval from these people. Most of my clients find themselves seeking approval from the biggest trouble-makers among their peers.
Safety
You spend most of your waking hours at work. Depending on the quality of the meetings you attend, you may also spend some of your sleeping hours at work! And your job provides a paycheck that allows you to buy what you need to survive and thrive — your home, what you eat, what you drive, the fun you have, and so on.
Wanting to feel safe is natural.
However, safety in the workplace is an illusion. (One could argue that safety anywhere is an illusion, but that’s another topic entirely.)
Threats range from the possibility of physical harm — just as real in the workplace as in your home, and just as often overlooked — to the possibility of losing your job, and everything in between.
A little foresight and a little risk management can go a long way. Start by never taking your job for granted. Stay on top of the political climate; know who’s doing what and why, and keep your eye on the informal power structures.
Get — and stay — prepared in advance for the most obvious potential issues. This means keeping your resume up to date, for instance — advice everyone’s heard, and very few people follow.
When you can find acceptance and approval outside the office — especially if you can find it inside yourself — you’ll find that your safety in the workplace improves.
Take a long look at what you might be seeking from your job. Is it a feeling of satisfaction that you’re using your talents to do something worth doing? Or are you looking for something you’d be better off finding outside the office? Drop me a note and let me know!
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” Mark Twain, American author, 1835 - 1910
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