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Are We Having Fun Yet?
Is fun part of your normal-average-day vocabulary? Or is fun something you have to plan for, on a weekend, a special evening out, or on vacation?
More and more people seem to be subscribing to a “misery loves company” philosophy. The people I meet for “happy hour” all want to tell me why they’re unhappy instead of talking about their successes and the fun things in their lives. And the occasional positive thinker — the one who always answers, “I’m doing great — what a beautiful day it is!” when asked how they are — is talked about in hushed tones of mixed admiration and skepticism, as if there’s something not quite normal going on.
There’s an old saying that what you focus on grows. It turns out that this is literally true. Neuroscience — the study of the brain and nervous system — tells us that our brains actually change when we focus our attention on something, growing new neural pathways (connections). So if you focus on how much you dislike your job, your brain’s connections grow around that thought, and shrink around any thoughts you might have about alternatives. Pretty soon, the physiology of your brain is built up — just as lifting weights builds a muscle — to support your gloom and frustration. Just as you wouldn’t normally lift weights only with your left arm, leaving your right arm to waste away while your left builds disproportionate muscle, you don’t want your brain to be strong in its negative pathways and weak in pathways around positive options and choices.
Of course, saying, “Don’t think negative thoughts!” is a lot like saying, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” Our brains are very good at doing what they’re supposed to do — think — so when we try not to think of something, we naturally will. You’ll notice, too, that this is another example of how what we focus on grows: giving attention to a negative makes it impossible to move away from it. I’d add here that I do not advocate trying to ignore reality or pretend it’s something other than what it is. If you really do hate your job, worry about your finances, or fight with your teenager, that’s real, and trying to pretend otherwise does not help any more than concentrating on your misery!
So what does all this have to do with fun? Simply put, I believe we all have a choice. Even in the middle of disliking a situation in our lives, we still have the option of enjoying ourselves anyway — of having fun. Just because you dislike a circumstance you’re in doesn’t mean you are obligated to be miserable in order to prove how much you hate it. Another wonderful saying comes to mind: living well is the best revenge. Acknowledge that yes, you do dislike your job (or whatever your situation is) — and then find a way, even if just for a few minutes each day, to have fun. Make a co-worker laugh. See if you can drive your cranky boss crazy by smiling beatifically at him every time you see him. (Smiling really lifts your spirits, too.) Put something on your desk that makes you happy, and look at it often.
Enjoy what you are doing — everything that you do. When you sneeze, really get into it! When you have to do laundry, sing along with the washing machine, recognizing that by caring for your clothes, you are caring for yourself. When you realize you’ve run out of milk and have to dash out late at night, smile at everyone you meet and strike up a conversation with people at the checkout line.
Having fun doesn’t mean you no longer dislike your job, your financial problems, or fighting with your teenager. And it doesn’t mean you’re giving up on trying to find solutions for your problems. It does mean you’re refusing to let your problems have power over your entire state of mind. And it does mean you’re choosing to enjoy yourself — which means you’re that much more likely to find solutions to your problems instead of just suffering.
I challenge you to find six wacky, delightful ways to HAVE FUN — and then do them. And write me a note to let me know just how much fun you had!
“I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun.” Thomas A. Edison, American inventor and businessman, 1847 - 1931
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