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Oh, Those Distractions!

You know exactly what to do next. You know the next action to take for that important, meaningful project. A small step that will take you closer to your big dream.

But it doesn’t feel small. For whatever reason, it feels threatening, scary, and overwhelming.

In some way, taking that step is taking a step into vulnerability, playing bigger, moving into who you really are and what you really want.

So you’ve found other things to do. Miraculously, distractions show up, whether it’s a customer who needs your time right now (no, really!), a blog post you’ve been meaning to write, an email in-box to clear out...

You know what I mean, right?

I’ve been known to completely forget that there was even a task waiting to be done. Just wiped it right out of my memory. My clients find distractions in home-remodeling projects, client proposals, volunteer work, overflowing email, and Twitter (just to name the top contenders).

Like them, you may find yourself torn between the logic that says all of these distracting tasks are necessary, and the voice of your internal critic that’s chewing you out for being lazy, procrastinating, and wasting time.

What’s really up with these distractions? Why is it so easy to let them pull you in, even though you know they’re not getting you any closer to what you really want?

It’s because achieving what you really want often entails vulnerability. It’s vulnerable to be passionate about something. It’s vulnerable to make a bold statement about what you want to do and why you want to do it. And vulnerability is scary.

It also involves an identity shift. When you dream about something, you have the identity of someone who will do this — someday. When you start taking action, then you become the person who is doing it. And that’s risky. What if you fail? Then you’re the person who failed to do it!

And of course when you succeed, there are other identity shifts. If you’re like most people, you feel as if you have to live up to your success. You may even feel as if you have to surpass it somehow.

When you look at all these factors, it’s no wonder that distractions are so seductive.

Overcoming the urge to follow distractions isn’t easy, and it isn’t something you get to do just once. Like so much in life, it’s a process. The good news is that like many of life’s processes, it does get easier over time.

Here are a four tips for exploring your own tendency to follow distractions.

Be honest

As long as you believe the logical arguments your mind spins, the arguments that tell you how all those distractions really are important priorities, you’ll keep right on following them.

Ask yourself to be honest. Are you focusing on something that appears urgent, but may not be especially important? Answering email as it arrives (one of my favorite distractions!) or responding to the phone’s every ring may appear to be quick, easy ways to keep things from piling up. And sometimes that may be true.

But when you’re trying to unstick yourself from a pattern of distraction, ask yourself what’s the true priority.

Even if you keep right on chasing the distraction, you’ll be more clear about what’s happening. And that’s always the first step towards change.

Be compassionate

It does no good at all to beat yourself up about following distractions.

Give yourself a break. Allow yourself to recognize that you’re not following a distraction because you’re a bad person, or even because you’re procrastinating. Let yourself see that you’re experiencing a completely natural tendency to turn away from something that may feel threatening, as I described above.

Also allow yourself to feel what’s threatening about it. When you know (for instance) that you’re experiencing insecurity about putting your work into the world in a bigger way, or you know that you’re asking yourself to stretch into being more vulnerable than you’ve been comfortable with — then you have the understanding you need to try different approaches that take your feelings into consideration.

Be lazy...I mean, be efficient!

What’s the absolute minimum necessary?

The bigger and more all-consuming a distraction is, the more justifiable it appears. So you may find yourself making a Big Project out of things that could actually be small tasks.

Do you really need to spend thirty minutes on a detailed response to someone’s email, or would one or two lines be enough? Do you really need to create a formal proposal, or would a quick overview suffice?

This can be a tricky question, because your mind — in its pursuit of distraction — is likely to respond that of course the full-length proposal, detailed response, or whatever it may be, is necessary.

Go back to the first tip: be honest. What’s really true?

What’s the smallest step?

That important thing you’re working on feels big and overwhelming for various reasons.

It may feel big because it is big — it’s a full-sized project, with lots to do before you get to the end result.

Or it might feel big because it’s precious to you in some way. It’s an expression of who you really are; it’s the product of your heart and soul.

And it could feel big because it requires you to push your limits, stretch, and grow.

Most likely, it’s a combination of all these reasons plus a few more.

So don’t think about that big end result.

What’s the next smallest step you can take? The tiniest, most miniscule bit of forward motion possible?

Go do it.

“People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” Chuck Palahniuk, 1962-, American novelist and freelance journalist.

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