Svaha: the time between seeing lightning and hearing the thunder
I will be eternally grateful for your great gift of taking in to the fullest extent what it is that I have to offer, living it, and then reflecting it back in terms of the potential experience of others. You have given words to a process that defies words. And you’re constantly in a position to help me continue to hone that, deeper and deeper and more and more resonantly, who I am and what I offer, which is truly invaluable. — Jon Hansen, The Remembering Room, Richmond, Illinois
What you’ve sent me is so darn perfect it hurts! It’s a sheer pleasure to work with someone who writes as beautifully as you do — and in “my” voice. — Ariane Goodwin, Ed.D, smARTist® Telesummit, Millers Falls, Massachusetts
You have a real gift for words. You’re really, really good at it. — Sherry Essig, Priority Ventures Group, Raleigh, North Carolina
You’ve built such integrity of message in your company. I know that’s because it springs forth intrinsically, but you stay so focused at your core! I can’t think of a better way to phrase that laser-beam focus you have. It’s funny, because in someone else, laser-beam focus would be intense, but somehow you manage to make it much more kind and easy. — Jessica Albon, Thrive Your Tribe, Winston-Salem, North Carolina
I’ve never worked with anybody in the way that I’ve worked with you in terms of trusting in your abilities to the level that I have. — Catherine Hajnal PhD, Eight Branches Consulting, Vancouver, Canada ... facilitating and nurturing joyful living
You have an uncanny ability to see through what is being said and surface all the “unsaid” issues. Then you quickly give candid feedback and have a tremendous toolbox to help me move forward through your expert guidance of the right tool.
I have worked with many facilitators/coaches/counselors relating to work and personal situations. Your skills are exemplary and moved me faster than I ever expected. — Jennifer Baker, Fishers, Indiana
You bring both a spiritual perspective and some real-world hard-headedness. — Janet Bailey, Mindful Time Management, San Francisco, California
Brava! I wish I could draw a picture of me — you’d see me in a deep bow to you!
I read your newsletter as soon as it hits my in-box and you’re always right on with your advice. I had to let you know that this issue is particularly brilliant.
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Thanks so much for sharing your insight and wisdom. — Debbie Rodgers, CGA
What are you focusing on?
It may not be what you think.
Most people are pretty sure they’re paying attention to what they want — they’re giving it their energy, thinking and feeling their way into what’s next, in order to get where they want to go. And for much of what you want in your business and life, that’s probably what’s happening.
But along with those objectives, dreams, and desires, you’ve got doubts, anxieties, and fears. And doubts, anxieties, and fears have a tendency to hijack your focus.
In this difficult economy, many of my clients are facing financial anxiety, and some are looking at very real financial difficulty. In working to help them, I see over and over again how anxiety and stress create a focus on the apparent problem.
But truly effective action arises from a focus on the problem’s opposite.
A perfect example comes from one of my clients who realized that she was consistently developing contingency plans for worst-case scenarios. Her thoughts about selling her house and moving in with her father finally woke her up to what was happening. That scenario was so utterly unnecessary that she had to laugh — and then ask herself what was really going on.
“Even now that I’ve seen what I was doing,” she told me, “I still keep catching myself in contingency mode instead of thinking actively about what I can do to reach more people, create new opportunities for my customers to buy from me — all the marketing activities we’ve talked about and I know how to do. It had all gotten lost in my fear — unrealistic fear — about losing everything.”
With her shift in focus from contingency to inspiration, she’s found a new flow of creativity, confidence, and action that is leading her to increased business and income.
Are you focusing on the wrong things? And if so, how can you create a shift for yourself? Here are some of the ideas I suggest to my clients.
It can be hard to admit anxiety, stress, and fear to yourself. That’s why contingency plans are so seductive: they’re ways for you to convince yourself that it’s all going to be okay and that you really are in control.
If you observe your flow of thought and feeling, what do you perceive? What contingency plans are you making — and what doubts or concerns lie underneath?
As you allow yourself to experience the feelings that these thoughts bring up in you, you’re likely to notice that they’re not as bad or overwhelming as you expected.
You may also find — as my client did — that some of the fears aren’t very realistic. Find the humor in it, if you can. It’s impossible to laugh and feel afraid at the same time!
Anxiety and fear are about what you don’t want. So, whatever it is you’re anxious about, turn it around to focus on what you do want.
In my client’s case, she was stressing about not having enough clients, and therefore not having enough money to pay her bills. So she spent all her time thinking about what expenses she could cut out, whether to draw on her home equity line, and even whether she could move in with her father!
The opposite was easy for her to find once she realized what she was doing. What could she do to bring in new clients? What additional sources of revenue were available to her?
What’s the opposite of your concern? Don’t be surprised if it’s not immediately obvious. You may have been so focused on the apparent problem that you’ll need some time for the fog to clear and reveal the opportunity on the other side.
It’s lots more fun to focus on something you want instead of on contingency plans for what you’re anxious about. You’re likely to feel renewed energy, perhaps curiousity, and a flow of ideas and inspiration.
Allow that flow of inspiration to show you new paths and new opportunities for achieving what you want. And the key here is “allow.” It may not move as fast as your anxiety would like, but getting caught in an overwhelming sense of urgency will only suck you back into focusing on the wrong things. (For more on this, take a look at my business partner’s recent article “What’s the Rush”).
As my client noticed, it’s easy to be pulled back into making contingency plans. However, as long as you stay aligned with that sense of inspiration, your focus will be on positive, forward actions instead of on stagnant, what-if scenarios.
Check in with yourself on a regular basis to see where your thoughts and feelings have been. Old thought patterns are to the mind like grooves in the pavement are to a bicycle wheel — very treacherous traps that cause pain!
“You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” Mark Twain (born Samuel Clemens), American author and humorist, 1835-1910, from A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court
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