Svaha: the time between seeing lightning and hearing the thunder
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Uncertainty is a big part of everyone’s life these days — and often a very painful part, as finances and job markets melt down in ways we couldn’t have begun to imagine just a few years ago.
Few people enjoy feeling uncertain. It’s a close relative of fear, and almost always causes anxiety and stress. And it’s often compounded by feelings of anger, helplessness, and lack of control.
Since it’s unlikely that you have any direct, failproof ways to affect what happens to the housing market, the state of your savings and investments, or even to your job, these are all feelings that are probably familiar to you by now — more familiar, I imagine, than you’d prefer.
And it’s not just the feelings that come up around uncertainty — it’s the ways those feelings tend to make you behave. You know all too well what stress, anxiety, and fear do to your health, and you’re probably also aware of how they affect your ability to get things done — and even more importantly, how they affect your relationships.
It may seem as if you just have to ride this out, looking forward to a time when things will be calmer again. But the reality is that no matter what, we all deal with uncertainty in life. The simple fact is that none of us knows what’s going to happen next — it’s just that right now, “next” is showing up as a bit more turbulent than usual!
So how can you deal with uncertainty in a more constructive, less destructive way? Here are some perspectives to experiment with.
Fear is a part of life. It’s what helps you move out of the way of a speeding car. And it doesn’t define who you are.
It feels uncomfortable because it’s supposed to! It’s trying to get your attention so that you do move out of the way of that speeding car (or charging sabre-tooth tiger). No matter how much you suppress it, try to transcend it, or try to talk yourself out of feeling it, it won’t go away. Instead, just like the kid in the supermarket whose mother isn’t paying attention, it will get louder and louder until you have to pay attention — and by then, it’s way beyond just being uncomfortable.
Give your fear and uncertainty a voice: let them speak to you and tell you what they’re worried about. Just like the kid in the supermarket, when you start paying attention, it will get a lot quieter.
We’re taught from a very early age that we’re supposed to KNOW. School teaches problem-solving and test-taking. Jobs and careers reinforce your need to KNOW in order to succeed. You want to know what’s going to happen next — what to expect — how to plan and reach your goals.
When you don’t know, it feels uncomfortable. And when you not only don’t know, but have no way to figure out a solution, it becomes even more of a struggle.
What if it was okay to not know? Can you fully experience not knowing? How does it feel in your body to really open to I don’t know, without resisting it?
If you can fully enter into this experiment, you may be surprised. My clients often find that really saying Yes to “I don’t know” is liberating — and lets them see options they otherwise would have missed.
In times of extreme uncertainty, it’s natural to cling at all costs to what seems stable. But clinging tightly to stability may be blinding you to possible alternatives.
Now more than ever, stay active in your network. Keep lines of communication open with friends and acquaintances. Find the time to participate in professional and social organizations. Your network provides support and is a rich source of opportunities of all sorts.
Brainstorm with family and friends about ways to connect with others, ideas for backup plans, ways to help yourself feel safer. If you’re stuck and feeling uncreative, ask yourself “What would my cat do? What would a two-year-old do?” Shifting your perspective and coming up with completely wacky ideas introduces a glimmer of humor into the situation — and it can also help you find suprisingly constructive, creative options.
Many corporate environments are becoming extremely demanding (to say the least). Ask yourself if it’s really true that you must respond to all of those demands in order to keep your sense of safety and stability. Be honest with yourself about the price you pay when you agree to work long, difficult hours, doing your job plus that of those who were laid off.
I’m not saying you should say “no” to the demands being made; in many cases, you may need to say “yes.” But you add another layer of stress, anxiety, and resentment when you acquiesce to those demands from a place of “I have no choice.”
Instead, take the time to understand the cost of your decision. Explore your options; hear why your uncertainty and fear think you must say yes, and then question whether that’s true or not.
Give yourself the gift being able to say, ”This is a fully conscious choice I am making at this time.“ Whichever way you finally decide, you’ll feel better about it.
“The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.” Ursula K. LeGuin, 1929- , American author and poet.
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