Svaha: the time between seeing lightning and hearing the thunder
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Have you heard of the Fraud Factor?
You know what it is, even if you don’t know it by that name.
And I’m not talking about Bernard Madoff and his ilk.
The Fraud Factor is that dreadful feeling of not being enough. Not knowing enough, not being smart enough, not having the right skills — being, in short, a fraud.
It crops up for everyone. You’ve probably felt it in your personal life at some point or another, and you’ve certainly run into it in your professional career.
And I do mean “run into it.” The Fraud Factor is powerful. It undermines your confidence and keeps you from trying things you want to do. It leads to self-criticism, doubt, anxiety, and fear. It causes you to second-guess your choices and to continually seek external validation for your decisions.
It can be subtle (whispering little doubts about your abilities) all the way to blatant (when it stops you dead in your tracks). It’s what keeps you from trying for that great job; it’s what keeps you anxious about your performance in your current role. And it keeps you from communicating openly about what you want in your professional and personal relationships.
Something as powerful as the Fraud Factor isn’t dismantled overnight, but there are some things you can do to begin increasing your awareness of its presence. As you begin to notice how it affects you, you’ll probably also begin to notice that what it says is untrue. And the more you notice that it’s untrue, the more it will dissolve, becoming less and less of a presence in your life. (I know that’s hard to believe, but stick with it — you’ll see!)
How do you see through it? Here are some suggestions to start the process.
People generally try to deal with the Fraud Factor by pretending it doesn’t exist, or by trying to talk themselves out of it. After all, you know logically that you’re not nearly as inept as your Fraud Factor would have you believe.
Have you noticed that these approaches don’t work?
You can’t shift something when you haven’t acknowledged its existence. And don’t worry: acknowledging it doesn’t mean believing anything it tells you.
So respect the reality of your own feelings. Say, “Yes — I feel that.”
As I said, the Fraud Factor won’t respond to logic. Though you may be able to convince yourself for a moment, it won’t last. And driving it underground backfires, because it just nibbles away at your foundations, affecting your actions and the way you present yourself to others.
Instead, notice everything about it. Notice what it says to you; notice how it makes you feel; notice what you do and say when you’re under its influence.
This is not so that you can chastise yourself for being ... (insert your favorite self-criticism here). Noticing — simply noticing — is free from judgment. It’s just a process of observing, with as much compassion as possible, what’s actually happening.
When you ask, “Is it true?” the voice of your Fraud Factor will almost certainly cry, “Of course it’s true!”
Let it have its say, and then come back to the question. Is it really true that you’re supposed to know more than you do, be more skilled than you are?
When you start a new project or a new job, for instance, is it really true that you’re supposed to know everything about what you’re only just beginning to learn?
It’s okay if you can’t find a way to honestly say “no” to this question. Just introducing a sense of curiosity and a little bit of doubt about the Fraud Factor’s validity will help.
What would happen if you actually did have everything you need right now — without learning any more than you already know? How would you speak, act, and be differently?
In imagining what it would be like if you weren’t a fraud, there’s nothing that you have to do. This isn’t a plan or a commitment to change anything. And it’s not denying what you feel; it’s simply imagining how it could feel.
So, just imagine that your Fraud Factor is a big, fat lie. And experience what that might feel like.
Even before reading this article, you knew that there’s a tremendous cost associated with your Fraud Factor. And you’ve probably gotten even more familiar with its impact as you looked at it more closely through this process.
What is that cost?
What’s the cost in your feelings — is it anxiety, stress, and even fear?
What’s the cost in your career — can you see where you may have shortchanged yourself in advancement or new job opportunities?
And what’s the cost in your personal life? Has it kept you from bringing all of yourself into your relationships with people you love?
There’s nothing to judge. Your Fraud Factor is really just trying to keep you safe. Count the cost with compassion — but don’t undercount it out of sympathy.
Because it’s when you start to see and experience the cost that shifts in your perspective start happening.
Be gentle and easy with yourself. The Fraud Factor won’t dissolve overnight.
Acknowledge, notice, question, and imagine. With curiosity, compassion, and patience, you’ll find that the Fraud Factor will gradually start to release its hold on you.
“Never think that you’re not good enough yourself. A man should never think that. People will take you very much at your own reckoning.” Anthony Trollope, 1815-1882, English Victorian-era novelist
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